10 Things We’d Change About Edmunds.com

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In case you missed this article by Edmunds.com (and we can’t blame you if you panned it as it’s wanton click-bait) they maintain that while “[The C7]¬†hunts apexes with laser-sight precision, clearly communicates its intentions and provides dynamic response on par with far more costly equipment,” it also “isn’t perfect.” No kidding! We congratulate Edmunds.com for their firm grasp of the obvious. Joking aside, they do concede that “every car is made up of engineering compromises, styling missteps and ergonomic hiccups.”

True, but is the point of the article to denigrate? Does their usual testing include commenting on the start procedure or number of exhaust outlets?! They’re a car research website that also produces content meant for entertainment. I’d say this falls squarely in the latter category. So perhaps we should examine the 10 things we’d change about Edmunds by reviewing their critique.

1. The taillights– Edmunds goes out of it’s way to state that there is no reason a Corvette should have round taillights. Agreed and kudos for noting that. But then goes on to claim that the C7s taillamps “look like Alice Cooper on a bad day.” Really? What does that even mean? Author John P. Huffman must be related to da Vinci with such astute criticism. Or maybe he just took an art history class while in junior college. Either way, what does Alice Cooper look like on a good day and what does this have to do with the price of tea in a cliche? Perhaps you should spend more time crafting your hyperbole Mr. Huffman.

2. The start button– here’s a guy who will go on to nitpick about ergonomics who is now harping on how the start button needs to have a protective cover to increase the drama of firing the engine. We’re not pansies who need dinner and a movie, we’d like to get to the business at hand. Save your romance for a Citroen.

3. “Track Mode” tachometer– Fair enough, everyone understands the circular gauge. However, the “hockey stick” makes absolute sense for track mode as it places emphasis on and keeps the meat of the rev range directly in front of you. If you’ve never been above 3000 RPM I can see how the “hockey stick” would be difficult for you to use. Wait, I think I found the real problem!

4. Oversized temp and fuel gauges– Face meet palm. As a former car designer it truly bothers me when casual observers start critiquing design. The reason that the fuel and temp gauges are permanently displayed is because if there was a way to hide them, people would in order to have as large a tachometer/map/football game screen as possible and would rapidly run out of gas or might overheat. These are crucial to your operation (as are the tach and less so, the speedo) and that’s why they are permanently displayed. Did you really need this explained?

5. Speedometer– Just. No. See above.

6. Fender gaps– Yes, the fender gaps on the C7 Vette are slightly larger than Ferrari’s or Lamborghini’s. Know why? It’s because GM doesn’t roll their fenders in the same manner as Ferrari and Lambo, hence the tires need more room for jounce. They also cost a fraction what the Italians cost, remember those engineering trade-offs you paid lip-service to, Mr. Huffman?

7. Electronic parking brake– “And in a car like the C7, mechanical connection is everything.” Wrong. Performance is everything and the electronic parking brake is lighter. Additionally, there are fewer things in the cabin to smash your limbs in the event of a collision.

8. Too many exhaust outlets– Seriously? You can go straight to hell, sir! I think there aren’t enough exhaust outlets. Give me eight, screw it, give me sixteen! I want exhausts poking from the front bumpers, hood, a-pillar, rockers, trunk and even from the exhausts themselves!

9. Overly complex PTM interface– “The combination of finger ballet and perfect timing necessary to select your preferred mode is frustratingly unforgiving.” Someone needs a nap. You’re about to drive a 460hp monster and you’re whining about how hard it is to control the Performance Traction Management. Mr. Huffman should be happy that it exists because if it didn’t he probably wouldn’t be able to handle the power. Maybe he should just work on his hand-eye coordination before driving the Vette again?

10. Front license plate– This one is just bellyaching, pure and simple. Leave the plate off, it’s a $50-70,000 car. I’m pretty sure we can afford the twenty dollar fix-it ticket, pal. I agree that automotive journalism doesn’t pay wonderfully but if this is a genuine concern perhaps it’s time to explore a more lucrative career. Perhaps Alice Cooper is looking for a stylist?