Have to get some smiles from these:
01-02-2009, 09:28 AM
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Have to get some smiles from these:
An 85 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'
George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof, the light goes off.'
'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.
0D
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.
'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine, but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?'
'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the refrigerator again!'
Don’t remember if I sent this one before. Regardless its still one of my favorites. Have a great 2009.
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so
much?'
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor
proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,'That's a pretty nice
car , all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks
himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 200 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and
passes the Moped at 220 mph.
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man
gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again !
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do !
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably,the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor... Is there
anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'
George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof, the light goes off.'
'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.
0D
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.
'Ethel,' he says, 'George is doing fine, but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?'
'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's peeing in the refrigerator again!'
Don’t remember if I sent this one before. Regardless its still one of my favorites. Have a great 2009.
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?
The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so
much?'
'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor
proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
'No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,'That's a pretty nice
car , all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster!
'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks
himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 200 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and
passes the Moped at 220 mph.
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man
gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again !
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do !
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably,the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor... Is there
anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'
