midyearvette

Children Writing About the Ocean...


1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight *********. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' ***** are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an azz hole on the top of its head.. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock.. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my ***** small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. ( Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ***. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

vic z

Vacation is over. Still have some dreams of driving a C1/ C2 through the rolling hills of Tuscany.

Something to look forward to !!!!!

"Ya know, when I was 25 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands. By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried real hard. By the time I was 60, I could bend it 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 70 next week, and I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So, what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!?"

Sex On Mars :oldie but still pretty funny !!

The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flyer miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen. The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.' I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?''Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!''No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow. ''No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.' Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'
'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Kerrmudgeon

History Exam........

NO Cheating - don't look at the answers until you take the test!!!!

Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this exam. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.

This is a History Exam for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life.

*** Get paper & pencil & number from 1 to 20.
****Write the letter of each answer & score at the end.

1. In the 1940s, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
a. On the floor shift ****.
B. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch....
C. Next to the horn.

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it.. For what was it used?
a. Capture lightning bugs.
B. To sprinkle clothes before ironing.
C. Large salt shaker.

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk.
B. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled.
C... Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a.. Blackjack
B. Gin
C. Craps

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW II.
A. Suntan
B. Leg painting
C. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
A. Studebaker
B. Nash Metro
C. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
A . Strips of dried peanut butter.
B. Chocolate licorice bars.
C. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.

8. How was Butch wax used?
A. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up.
B. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing..
C On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust.

9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
A. With clamps, tightened by a skate key.
B. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
C. Long pieces of twine.

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way to reach a decision?
A. Consider all the facts.
B. Ask Mom.
C. Eeny-meeny-miney-MO.

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940s and 1950s?
A. Smallpox
B. AIDS
C. Polio

12. 'I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey'
A. SUV
B. Taxi
C. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pony?
A. Old Blue
B. Paint
C Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-an d-Cover Drill?
A. Part of the game of hide and seek.
B. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores.
C. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15 . What was the name of the Indian Princess in the Howdy Doody Show?
A. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
B. Princess Sacajawea
C Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
A. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high.
B. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window.
C. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure.

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
A.. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum.
B. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items.
C. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos.

18. Praise the Lord , & pass the _________?
A.. Meatballs
B. Dames
C. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song 'Cabdriver' a hit?
A. The Ink Spots
B.. The Supremes
C. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
A. Tony Bennett
B. Xavier Cugat
C. George Gershwin
----------------------------- --------------------------

ANSWERS

1. (b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60's to catch on.

2. (b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing.. Who had a steam iron?

3 (c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top...

4 . (a) Blackjack Gum.

5.. (b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil

6. (a) 1946 Studebaker.

7. (c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.

8. (a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.

9. (a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.

10. (c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. (c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.

12. (b) Taxi , Better be ready by half-past eight!

13. (c) Macaroni ...

14. (c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. (a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.

16... (a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.

17. (b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for household items at the Green Stamp store.

18. (c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.

19. (a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.

20. (a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today.

SCORING

17- 20 correct : You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!

12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.

0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kerrmudgeon

Another test. I'm Canadian and I still scored better than 60% of Americans. I missed most of the yankee politics ones.......

http://pewresearch.org/politicalquiz/quiz/index.php

decarmine

Before she was a puppet, she was a live actor (actress?) who was killed in a car crash...

I guess I really AM old!!

Frank

racecar14

Princess Summerspringwinterfall

Killer in Wyoming Just days after getting married. Played the lead in Elvis first movie Love Me Tender. He never saw the movie after she died.

zardun

"Cabdriver" was made popular by the Mills Brothers. The Ink Spots did a later cover.

Kerrmudgeon

Why Men Are Seldom Depressed.....

Men Are Just Happier People.

What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.


NICKNAMES
. If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .

EATING OUT
. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
. T he average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
. A woman has the last word in any argument.
. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>

ricks327

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

midyearvette

knockbill

i'm older then dirt,,, and the test proved it!!!!

knockbill

thats the one i missed .... thought there was something wrong with that question...

redred65cpe

The best joke of the day was the bickering in the most recently active Tremec thread! That thread has disappeared from the forum....

larry

Edit: Thread is back and sanitized.