Its Friday:Time for a smile
06-24-2011, 07:55 AM
#1
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Its Friday:Time for a smile
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, di_ckhead or as_hole. Do you understand all that?' The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb as_s or sh_ithead" is it?' The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach..Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head, di_ckhead or as_hole. Do you understand all that?' The little boy nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach "a dumb as_s or sh_ithead" is it?' The little boy shook his head 'NO'.
'GOOD', said the coach..Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother!'
06-24-2011, 08:00 AM
#2
Le Mans Master
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at
midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had
failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked
through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of
night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?''Dinner is cold
and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.Too shattered to play
his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a
shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he drug himself up the
stairs.While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and
was told that her husband's client , James Wright, had beengranted a
stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged
tonight.Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she
decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the
bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over
naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,'
she said.To which he whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at
midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had
failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked
through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of
night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?''Dinner is cold
and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.Too shattered to play
his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a
shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub,
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he drug himself up the
stairs.While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and
was told that her husband's client , James Wright, had beengranted a
stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged
tonight.Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she
decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the
bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over
naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,'
she said.To which he whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
06-24-2011, 10:13 AM
#3
Race Director
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Canada's capital
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2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
Cowboy rules for:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women,
Regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to rule #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline. OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. ........
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>
Old dudes and Computers
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned .... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.
So I wrote down:
ID 10 T.........IDIOT!
I used to like Eric, the little bastard.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women,
Regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to rule #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline. OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....
The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!
That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....
When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it......
After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.....
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. ........
If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>Old dudes and Computers
As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers.
I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong ?
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
'An, ID ten T error ? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Eric grinned .... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before ?
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.
So I wrote down:
ID 10 T.........IDIOT!
I used to like Eric, the little bastard.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Last edited by Kerrmudgeon; 06-24-2011 at 10:18 AM.
06-24-2011, 10:22 AM
#4
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Canada's capital
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C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below....
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed?
Me, too..................
:
(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below....
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed?
Me, too..................
:(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
06-24-2011, 06:01 PM
#5
Race Director
Prostate exam
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, I decided to have my next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are more gentle and accommodating.
As I laid naked on my side on the table, the nurse began the examination.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection," I said.
"No, but I have." replied the nurse.
Moral: Don't have this procedure done in San Francisco !
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, I decided to have my next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are more gentle and accommodating.
As I laid naked on my side on the table, the nurse began the examination.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," said the nurse.
"I haven't got an erection," I said.
"No, but I have." replied the nurse.
Moral: Don't have this procedure done in San Francisco !
06-24-2011, 06:05 PM
#6
Race Director
Train Wreck
A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a *****?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gates."
St Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Katrina, have you ever had any contact with a *****?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in the Holy
Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of
girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Mary! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Wendy sticks her *** in it.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St. Peter asks the first girl, "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a *****?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gates."
St Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Katrina, have you ever had any contact with a *****?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in the Holy
Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of
girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Mary! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Wendy sticks her *** in it.
06-24-2011, 07:38 PM
#7
Team Owner
Member Since: Aug 2008
Location: Rochester NY
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St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15-'16-'17-'18-‘19-'20-'21-'22-'23-'24
Subtle Differences
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the
two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. I beg
to differ because, there is :
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...
"COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!!
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the
two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED. I beg
to differ because, there is :
When you marry the right woman, you are "COMPLETE".
And when you marry the wrong one, you are "FINISHED"!
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ...
"COMPLETELY FINISHED" !!!
06-24-2011, 09:58 PM
#8
good laughs, thanks for the contributions guys.
06-24-2011, 11:22 PM
#9
Drifting
Member Since: May 2006
Location: Santa Barbara California
Posts: 1,842
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83 Posts
There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain
who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the
first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the
sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir,
I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck
and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad
and wants you to change your underwear."
He continued, " Leo you change with Jerry....... Tony you change with Bert and Bob you change with Ed ."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change",
but don't count on things smelling any better.
who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the
first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the
sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir,
I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck
and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad
and wants you to change your underwear."
He continued, " Leo you change with Jerry....... Tony you change with Bert and Bob you change with Ed ."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change",
but don't count on things smelling any better.
06-25-2011, 01:45 PM
#10
Race Director
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Canada's capital
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2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
a late one courtesy of Bill Schmitt........
Teacher or not, these are wonderful!! Praise God for children!
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
________________________________________ __
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
________________________________________ ____
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
________________________________________ __
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Kids say the funniest things!
Teacher or not, these are wonderful!! Praise God for children!
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
________________________________________ __
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
________________________________________ ____
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
________________________________________ __
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Kids say the funniest things!
06-26-2011, 10:51 AM
#12
Burning Brakes
Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Sarasota,FL & NW Indiana
Posts: 772
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Old Country Preacher
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on
his study table four objects..
1. A Bible.....
2. A silver dollar.....
3. A bottle of whisky.....
4. And a Playboy magazine.....
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver
dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'
Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on
his study table four objects..
1. A Bible.....
2. A silver dollar.....
3. A bottle of whisky.....
4. And a Playboy magazine.....
'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.
If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.'
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver
dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.
'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.'
06-26-2011, 11:08 AM
#13
Team Owner
Member Since: Aug 2008
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 31,358
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2,529 Posts
St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15-'16-'17-'18-‘19-'20-'21-'22-'23-'24
06-26-2011, 11:54 AM
#14
Race Director
Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: Canada's capital
Posts: 19,777
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2,157 Posts
2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
don't forget your morning orange juice!........
06-26-2011, 12:07 PM
#15
Team Owner
Member Since: Aug 2008
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 31,358
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2,529 Posts
St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15-'16-'17-'18-‘19-'20-'21-'22-'23-'24
That sure "apeels" to me!
06-27-2011, 12:22 PM
#16
Burning Brakes
Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Sarasota,FL & NW Indiana
Posts: 772
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4 Posts
Dear Abby
DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.
These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never
happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.
Now what do I do?
Remember, these people can vote!
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.
These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should
share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never
happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.
Now what do I do?
Remember, these people can vote!
06-27-2011, 04:56 PM
#17
Team Owner
Member Since: Aug 2008
Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 31,358
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2,529 Posts
St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15-'16-'17-'18-‘19-'20-'21-'22-'23-'24
Dear Abby...
I have been seeing a wonderful woman and think she could be the one. I want to be open and honest with her but I'm afraid if I am, it COULD drive her away. She's very understanding but I'm afraid my secret may be too much.
You see, my parents divorced when I was young because my father was always fooling around. I was raised by my aunt, and she was good to me, although I always had to play outside when one of her "friends" dropped by for a while. My brother turned to drugs and has a reputation as a major dealer. My sister is in prison - again. I had a girlfriend at an early age and only left her when she said she was pregnant - I was not ready to be a father at 15. I am trying to stay with my current job, the 7 others I had before just didn't work out. The job before this one was for a sleezy guy named Vinnie, and I helped him repo cars. I admit I broke the law because I didn't report income, and he did pay me under the table, even let me keep one of the cars myself.
So I just don't know what to do - should I tell her the car he let me keep is a '63 Corvette, and I'm addicted to this web site called Corvette Forum?
Signed
Unsure
I have been seeing a wonderful woman and think she could be the one. I want to be open and honest with her but I'm afraid if I am, it COULD drive her away. She's very understanding but I'm afraid my secret may be too much.
You see, my parents divorced when I was young because my father was always fooling around. I was raised by my aunt, and she was good to me, although I always had to play outside when one of her "friends" dropped by for a while. My brother turned to drugs and has a reputation as a major dealer. My sister is in prison - again. I had a girlfriend at an early age and only left her when she said she was pregnant - I was not ready to be a father at 15. I am trying to stay with my current job, the 7 others I had before just didn't work out. The job before this one was for a sleezy guy named Vinnie, and I helped him repo cars. I admit I broke the law because I didn't report income, and he did pay me under the table, even let me keep one of the cars myself.
So I just don't know what to do - should I tell her the car he let me keep is a '63 Corvette, and I'm addicted to this web site called Corvette Forum?
Signed
Unsure
