steampunk c1

Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch *****.

Any guy would be excited to have such a big *****, but this man was not.

So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him.

So the friend gave the man the witch's address.

The next day he visited the witch.

After telling the witch his problems she asked to she his *****.

After showing her, she thought for awhile and finally came up with an answer.

"Go into the woods and find a frog.

Ask the frog to marry you and each time it says no, your gigantic jewels will shrink 5 inches."

The man quickly ran to the woods.

After searching for an hour he finally found a frog.

He ran up to it and asked it to marry him.

"NO Thank You" the frog said.

The man looked down and watched his ***** go from 25 inches to 20.

The man asked the frog two more times, and again, it replied no.

Once he was at 15 inches he thought 10 inches would be perfect, so he went up to the frog and asked it to marry him.

The frog replied.

"How many times do I have to tell you.... NO, NO, NO"

The man looked down at his jewels and watched it go from 15 to 10, and from 10 to 5, and finally from 5 to not even a centimeter.

steampunk c1

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "

"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."..

The policeman fainted.

steampunk c1

Three friends are out enjoying a night on the town, and the suggestion that they visit the local whorehouse meets with enthusiasm all around - especially when the madam tells them there's a special offer that evening. For $100, $150, or $200, the customer will receive a sexual treat beyond his wildest dreams.

The first guy forks out $100, is shown to the first door on the right and soon his friends hear cries of ecstasy coming from within. He emerges sometime later sweaty, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.

"She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen," he said panting. "After extensive foreplay she put two pineapple rings around my ***** and ate them!"

The second guy couldn't fork over his $150 fast enough. He was shown to a room and soon wild cries of bliss were heard. Eventually he returned with the same grin and the same story, except that he had gotten whipped cream along with the two pineapple rings.

The third guy needs a little persuading to part with his $200 and is shown to an upstairs room. Soon cries of ecstasy can be heard, but his friends are puzzled when they're interrupted by a scream of agony. When he returns, they can't wait to hear what happened.

"Yes," he explains wearily, "she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and after extensive foreplay she covered my ***** with two pineapple rings, whipped cream, chopped nuts and topped it off with a maraschino cherry."

"So then what happened?" ask his friends eagerly.

"Well," he replies, "it looked so good, I took a bite myself."

ricks327

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of
their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called
out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn
up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome. ' So they started playing
and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way
around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What
do you do for a living?

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and
pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large
telescopic sight.. 'Here are my tools.'

'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend,
'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house
from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the
sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I
can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the
bedroom... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's
my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!

Fuming, he turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a
hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I
pull the trigger.'

'Can you do two for me now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in
the mouth.'

'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his
dick off to teach him a lesson.'

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly
still for a few minutes.

'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.

'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can
save you a grand here.....'

Railroadman

After 30 years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were, son,” his mother said as tears came to her eyes, “but it didn’t work out, and they brought you back.”