Kerrmudgeon

Gee, I hope this doesn't offend any nuns or muslims in the crowd.




Don't mess with the penguin....

A catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a muslim man in a turban, who was eating shrimp.
Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.
Finally she had enough of this and pulled the emergency stop cord.
The muslim scum looked at her and said, "You're going to be fined $500 for doing that, you stupid catholic infedel bitch."
She laughed and said, "When I yell rape, and they smell your fingers, you're going to get 15 to 25 years you towel headed camel ******!"

plaidside

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying:” God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa".

The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy Molly, thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"


He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me this morning. My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson."

Railroadman

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and unattractive woman. "Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady, "Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Make love to me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

out2kayak

GC2X4

Mr. K. did not take a beating last week...He had one person, me, object to one joke...not exactly a beating. After seeing I was extremely out numbered, I sent Mr. K. an apology.
gc2x4

Bowtyeguy

GC2 I did an Obama joke and a couple got pissed at me. It wasnt the first time someone was mad at me. Wont be the last. Its no big deal, its only a joke section. All is good.

66jack

"You know there are some people who miss important developmental stages,"

HERE'S THE PROOF..

ricks327

An Italian doctor says: "In Italy, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's *********, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The Dutch doctor says: "That's nothing, in Holland we take part of a
brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

The Canadian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Six years ago, we
took a man with no brains, no heart, and no ***** and made him
President. Now, the whole country is looking for work!"

ricks327

66jack