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2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
***FRIDAY FUNNIES*** Oct. 24th weekend.
I'm getting an early start this week because it's supposed to be a nice day to get outside stuff done tomorrow....before the ughhhh white stuff starts flying...
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2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
I laughed my butt off when I saw this.......
Have you ever wondered......?
......who first uttered the phrase "You Gotta Be Shittin Me?"
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading. Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.
Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.
What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.
The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman.
A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?
Washington replied, 'Well Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'
Always REMEMBER this:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing
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Star Trek and the Iranian...
The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a United States Marine Corps General.
As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America ."
The General said, "Well, is there anything I can do to help?"
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called 'Star Trek' and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims.
My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on 'Star Trek'.
The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear,
"That's because it takes place in the future..."
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As hunting season is here....here's a novel idea for a mount.
Thanks for the funnies, Kerrmudgeon. Gotta love the USMC General! Keep 'em coming. Have a great weekend, stay warm up there., Wish I could send you some Oct. Texas weather!
Last edited by 66TexVette; 10-24-2014 at 09:36 AM.
Reason: typo
Fable of the Porcupine Philosophy. It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities
The moral of the story is: Just learn to live with the ****** in your life!
In response to all the recent e-mails about our dog: Please be advised, we are sick and tired of answering questions about him.
Yes, he bit six people wearing obama t-shirts, four people wearing pelosi t-shirts, two car drivers with rap music blaring from their vehicles, nine teenagers with pants hanging past their behind flag burners, and a pakistani taxi driver.
FOR THE LAST TIME. . .THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!
NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15-'16-'17-'18-‘19-'20-'21-'22-'23-'24
The phone rings and a little, whispering voice says "Hello". The caller realizes that he has got a little boy on the phone, and the dialog goes something like this:
Caller: May I speak to your father.
Boy: Whispers "He's busy"
Caller: Can I speak to your mother
Boy: Whispers "She's busy"
Caller: Is there any other adults in the house.
Boy: Whispers: "There is a policeman here"
Caller: Can I speak to the policeman.
Boy: Whispers "He's busy"
Caller: Is there any other adults in the house.
Boy: "There is a fireman."
Caller: Can I speak to the fireman?
Boy: Whispers "He's busy."
Caller: What are you Mom, Dad, the policeman, and the
fireman busy doing?
I had a cheap stepfather back in the 60s that one Christmas decided to give me an action figure for a gift.
I opened the wrapped present and inside the box was the outline of an action figure, but no action figure.
I asked my cheap stepfather what was up?
He said the action figure is of ......................
THE INVISIBLE MAN
I played with the figure for two weeks until I laid it down and couldn't remember where I put it. If you find it, please send it back so I can pass it on to my stepson.
2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:
Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still
not come home.
Sergeant : What is her height ?
Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .
Sergeant : Build?
Husband : Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant : Color of eyes?
Husband : Hard to say, dark.
Sergeant : Color of hair?
Husband : Changes according to season.
Sergeant : What was she wearing?
Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant : Did she go in a car?
Husband : yes.
Sergeant : What kind of car was it?
Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package,
shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with direct
Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission,
and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left
door.……………. at this point the husband started crying...:
Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.
2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
this just in from Bill Schmit....
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." ... He sees things differently than most of us, and always keeps a straight serious face......
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
6 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
8 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
9 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
11 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
12 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
13 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
14 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
15 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
17 -Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
18 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
19 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
20 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
21 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
22 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
23 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
24 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
25 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
26 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
27 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
28 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
29 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
30 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
31 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
32 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
And the all-time favorite -
33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
..
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.
He looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his ********* and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog." ..
This one has been around before but still funny the 2nd time:
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided
that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he
and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was
expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the
doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks
are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS),
then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the sharpest
tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry
bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
'Trust me,' said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer
can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs
and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Arkansas , Mississippi , Parts of Georgia, Missouri , West Virginia , and... All of Washington DC !!
10-24-2014, 01:05 AM
***FRIDAY FUNNIES*** Oct. 24th weekend.
If you find it, please send it back so I can pass it on to my stepson.
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