Kerrmudgeon

Morning everyone, just a week until Christmas comes around once again, so let's have a little HO HO HO!
________________________________________ ____


The Pants...

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here-try these on.'
She did and said, 'These are too big. I can't wear them.' I replied, "Exactly". I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems.


'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen,
'Here-try these on.'
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike.


She said,
'Here-you try on mine.'
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants".
Karen said, "Exactly, and if you don't change your smart-*** attitude, you never will"!!!

_______________________________


Bed with boss????

Three girls worked in the same office for the same female
boss. Each day,
they noticed the boss left work early.
The girls decided that the next day, when the boss left,
they would leave
right behind her.
After all, she never called or came back to work, so how
would she know they
went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The
redhead was elated
to be able to get in a quick workout before going on a
dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her
husband, but when
she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from
inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was
mortified to see her
husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door
and crept out of
her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and
redhead planned to
leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was
going to go with
them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught
yesterday!"

_____________________________________


Pickle slicers
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his ***** into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"

"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my ***** into the pickle slicer?"

His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill -- I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

__________________________________


'tis the season...

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

___________________________________

Kerrmudgeon

Not funny but interesting......

steampunk c1

At last, confirmation of ‘Murphy’s Law’ with a wonderful Irish explanation:

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.
He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.
So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan.
He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen.
But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes.
He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor.
"Well," says the priest, " it's pretty obvious.

Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then,for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top."
"No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy
"Oh my Lord," says Fr. Flanagan, "dropped toast never falls with the butter side up ... it's a mir….Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle.

I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos, etc."
A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome.

No expense is spared. There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much needed tourism revenue.

Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling.

"It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, quite outside the natural laws of the universe.”

Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling a miracle.

All other explanations must be ruled out.

Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared 'No Miracle' - because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!"

steampunk c1

An Affair




> A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after
> midnight. While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be a
> witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to
> catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.
>
> Upon arriving home quietly, the husband and cabby tip-toe into the
> bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back,
> and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun
> to the naked man's head. The wife shouts,
>
> "Don't do it!
>
> I lied when I told you I inherited money.........
>
> HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.
> HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
> HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets.
> HE paid for our house at the lake.
> HE paid for our country club membership, and
> HE even pays the monthly dues!"
>
> Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He
> looks over at the cabby and says "What would you do?"
>
> The cabby replies, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he
> catches cold.

steampunk c1

The spoon:
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.


Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.


It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.



Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'



'Well, 'he explained, 'The restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.


If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'


As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.



I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.



Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'



'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.



By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'



I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'



'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.


June

steampunk c1

New Zealanders originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and gatherers.
They lived on animals on the plains during the summer and would then go to the coast and live on fish and mussels in the winter.
The two most important events in all Kiwi history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.


These were the foundation of modern Kiwi civilisation and together were the catalyst for the splitting of New Zealanders into two distinct sub-groups:
1. Nationals, and
2. Labour.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium can were invented so while our early Kiwis were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night, while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the National movement

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Nationals by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Labour movement.
Some of these Labour men eventually evolved into women. They became known as pooftas.

Some noteworthy Labour achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the Nationals provided.
Modern Labourites and Union leaders drink imported beer and they like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu and French food are standard Labour fare.

Another interesting, evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, government workers � local and national, personal injury lawyers, journalists (especially at The DomPost), TVNZ staff, and group therapists are Labourites.

Nationals drink domestic beer, mostly Steinlager or Speights.
They eat red meat (rare), and still provide for their women.
Nationals are police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, business owners, farmers, Doctors and Nurses and generally anyone who works productively.
Nationals who own companies, hire other Nationals who want to work for a living.

Labourites produce little or nothing.
They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
That is why most of the Labourites created the business of trying to get more for nothing - and usually plead for government money to fund their unproductive, parasitical activities.

Here ends today's lesson in New Zealand�s history.

It should be noted that a Labourite may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A National will simply laugh, and be so convinced of the absolute truth of history, that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more Labourites - just to annoy them.

And there you have it.

steampunk c1

This is really worth reading. I hope you enjoy it.



An interesting perspective – I never really looked at it this way –



THE MAGIC BANK ACCOUNT


THE AUTHOR IS NOT KNOWN.

IT WAS FOUND IN THE BILLFOLD OF COACH PAUL BEAR BRYANT, ALABAMA, AFTER HE DIED IN 1982

The Magic Bank Account

Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use. However, this prize has rules:

The set of rules:

1. Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

3. You may only spend it.

4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.

5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say,“Game Over!". It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.



What would you personally do?

You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?

ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL ...

Shocked ??? YES!

Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*. We just can't seem to see it.

The PRIZE is *TIME*

1 Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds

as a gift of life.

2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is Not credited to us.

3. What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.

4. Yesterday is forever gone.

5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING...

SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars. Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.

So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!

Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start “spending”....

"DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD…!"

SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET THE PRIVILEGE!

steampunk c1

A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit.


When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

He went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated,Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a shot of rum.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

steampunk c1

Dear Sir

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your ***** tip was NOT cancer,it was lipstick.

We deeply regret the amputation.

steampunk c1

1.Law of
Mechanical Repair -
After your
hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to
itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of
Gravity -
Any tool,
nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of
Probability -
The
probability of being watched is directly proportional to
the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of
Random Numbers -
If you dial a
wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always
answers.

5.Variation
Law -
If you change
lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always
move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the
Bath - When the body
is fully immersed in water, the telephone will
ring.

7.Law of
Close Encounters -
The
probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES
dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to
be seen with.

8.Law of the
Result -
When you try to
prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT
WILL!!!

9.Law of
Biomechanics -
The severity
of the itch is inversely proportional to the
reach

10.Law of the
Theater & Hockey Arena -
At any event,
the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always
arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who
leave early before the end of the performance or the game
is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never
move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay
to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people
also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee
Law -
As soon as you
sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.

12.Murphy's
Law of Lockers -
If there are
only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
lockers.


14.Law of
Logical Argument -
Anything
is possible IF you don't know what you are talking
about.

15. Law of
Physical Appearance -
If the
clothes fit, they're ugly.

16.Law of
Public Speaking --
A CLOSED
MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of
Commercial Marketing
Strategy -
As soon
as you find a product that you really like, they will
stop making it OR the store will stop selling
it!

18..Doctors'
Law -
If you
don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the
doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better.
But don't make an appointment and you'll stay
sick. [So True!!!!!]

If you
don't forward this to your friends, your belly button
will unscrew - and your butt will fall off.
Really... It's true. I read it on the
Internet.

Kerrmudgeon

Top 10 Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid

10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"

9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.

8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left are styrofoam peanuts.

6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

5. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the dork list.

4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee.

3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, "Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you."

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"




*It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened”, countered the prisoner.

*The three stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus

*Jack was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'

George Washnak

A young woman by the name of Mary decided to become a nun. She entered a very strict nunnery where she took a vow a silence. She worked very hard in the service of the Lord and after ten years was brought before the Mother Superior who told her that every ten years, nuns were allowed to speak only two words.

She was then asked what her two words were. Mary replied "hard beds". The Mother Superior noded and replied that the beds were indeed hard, but she would see if she could arrange for a softer matress for Mary.

At the end of the second ten years she was again brought before the Mother Superior who reminded Mary that she was only allowed to speak two words as asked what she had decided to say this time. Mary replied "bad food". The Mother Superior noded and said that while Sister Agatha tried her best to prepare tasty meals, she often came up short in this regard so she would see if she could get someone to help Sister Agatha to make the meals taste better.

At the end of the next ten years, Sister Mary was again brought to the Mother Superior who asked her what two words she had chosen to speak this time. Sister Mary looked at the Mother Superior and said, "I quit." The Mother Superior looked back at Sister Mary and replied, well, maybe that's for the best, you've been here for thirty years and all that you've done since you got here is complain.

Shultzie

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ... AMAZING TIDBITS ...

This is amazing! This is the best, most interesting English Lesson I have had to date.

Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters? Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spell "race car"? And that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the first letter and move It to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?

Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English speaking bastards, and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-********, raggedy-*** bastards with you."

How weird is that?

Railroadman

Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys' parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys. The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first.

The young boy comes in and sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?" The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy’s face and thunders, "WHERE IS GOD?"

The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"

Railroadman

I was having dinner at a restaurant last night when the woman at the next table, while trying to cut her steak, accidentally flipped her plate and it landed in her lap.

"Oh no, I look like a pig!" she moaned.

Her husband replied, "Yes, you do, and on top of that, you've spilled your food!"

Railroadman

Q. What did one butt cheek say to the other?
A. If we stick together we can stop this s**t.

Curvette1

ACTS 2:38 Conceal Carry & an intruder.

You gotta love compassionate Christian Seniors.
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!'

MrPbody

define oxymoron:

The federal government, which has Tomahawk cruise missiles and Apache and Lakota helicopters, used the code name "Geronimo" in the attack that killed Osama bin Laden........ officially objects to the name of the Washington Redskins.

Kerrmudgeon

....and on that topic, here's another one....


No matter which side you are on in the matter of renaming the Washing Redskins, this is funny.


Here is an e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.



Dear Mr. Page...

I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.



Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.

The Milwaukee Brewers. Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.

So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.

As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers (especially when they play Southern California. Do we really want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???)

I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they change the name to the “Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress

toddalin

Corvette Christmas© Todd Brody

T’was the night before Christmas, and in the garage,
The Corvette was covered, as was the Dodge;
And I had just drank and few beers to get high,
And hoped that Old Santa Claus soon would come by.

Vette owners were nestled all snug in their beds,
While fuelies and big blocks danced in their heads;
And I and my loved one, forever to keep,
Had both cuddled up for a long winter’s sleep.

When out on the street there came such a roar,
I sprang from the bed to see what’s in store.
I flew to the window and opened the blind,
Not knowing at all, what I would find.

The moon on the pavement shown like daylight below,
As wonder and amazement made my eyes grow,
For down on the street approaching the stoop,
Came a jolly old man in a split window coupe.

This little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
Faster than lightning, with engines he came,
And he honked and he flashed and called them by name:

Come small blocks, come big blocks, come Blue Flames, come fuelies;
With Holleys, with Carters, both singles and duelies;
To the top of the tach, redline one and all,
Now rev’em up, rev’em up, we gotta haul!

Like a tank full of nitro will make a car fly,
When the blower is set with the boost up to high;
So up the driveway the split window flew,
Loaded with parts and accessories too.

The paint on the glass, such sparkle, such shine,
The chrome, smooth as silk, the leather so fine.
The wheels so wide, the tires so fat,
A space-saver spare, in case of a flat.

The tips of the pipes were shiny and clean,
The windows were smoked, the glass such a sheen.
With features and options and power galore,
And zero to sixty in just two-point-four.

And then from the drive, the sound of a cough,
Like that from a fuelie when the ignition’s turned off.
He then set the brake and flipped in the lights,
Just as he does all Christmas Eve nights.

He was dressed in red leather, with fur up above,
A ’63 Vette on his right driving glove.
Parts and accessories slung on his back,
A multitude more in the coupe in a sack.

He looked like old Duntov, a jolly old man,
With hair white as snow, a Miami tan;
Such gleam in his eye, such spring in his walk,
As quick as a cheetah, with eyes like a hawk.

He spoke not a word but went straight to work,
Opened the garage, with one quick easy jerk.
New pistons and rings, two overbores larger,
And even a hemi to speed up the Charger.

He sprang to his coupe, threw his sack in the rear,
Brought up the revs, and dropped it in gear;
And I heard him call out as he peeled out of sight,
Happy Vetting to all, and to all a good night.