MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

Friends,

With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends. Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before.

I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.

Merry Christmas and be safe out there............




A Newfoundlander is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A large genie appears out of the bottle and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."

"OK, then, I want to die after a Liberal government balances the budget and eliminates the debt."

The genie stared at him a second or two then says ……

"You crafty little bastard."




Is there a single soul who is surprised that an Engineer came up with this 10,535 pages reduced to 4 sentences. READ SLOWLY!

4 simple sentences. Great summary by a Notre Dame University engineer......... Here are the 10,535 pages of Obama Care condensed to 4 simple sentences... As humorous as it sounds.....every last word is absolutely TRUE!

1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.
2. Next, we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured.
3. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original un-insured can be insured, so it will be ‘free-of-charge’ to them.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is called "redistribution of wealth" or, by its more common name, SOCIALISM, or “PROGRESSIVEISM”, the politically correct names for COMMUNISM! Wow! What a brilliant way to raise money to fund a free service.

Aren’t we lucky to have such a brilliant man leading us!



People are awesome & very stupid!!!!!!!!!!!



Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Because of global warming he was stuck with his sleigh due to lack of snow. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?
*** Scroll down for the answer



Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.



So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
*** Men keep scrolling



By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point:
Women never listen.