Anyone have a good joke to share?
01-11-2015, 09:11 PM
#23
Team Owner
..... 
better get this in then before they lock the door - - -
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know ****?"
better get this in then before they lock the door - - - Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know ****?"
01-11-2015, 09:16 PM
#24
Cruising
Member Since: Jun 2014
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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to
cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.
The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King's chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to
cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers.. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours,
Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his
payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't
have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to
the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.
The moral of the story - Pay your bloody bills !!!
01-11-2015, 09:18 PM
#25
Drifting
..... better get this in then before they lock the door - - -
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know ****?"
better get this in then before they lock the door - - - Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know ****?"
01-12-2015, 08:48 AM
#27
Drifting
Whether I am offended or not it doesn't belong here nor the prior cartoon or the joke by "Crewzin". The joke by BadUmp is wrong on many more levels than just the politics of it. BTW Crewzin I see you are a volunteer Sheriffs Deputy in Florida - nice picture standing by your police cruiser. My stepson is a police officer here in North Jersey (and a combat vet from Iraq). Things have gotten a little tense around here lately as a result of events in Missouri, etc. You know a lot of people don't trust the police claiming they are racist and out to get them. Thanks for posting a (sarcasm on) "cute little joke" that shows how unbiased police officers really are. It'll lighten his day when I tell him about you and the joke. Yesiree, when he starts his four days on tomorrow night, he'll be sure to share that joke with all the people he encounters during the overnight as a real cop (sarcasm off). The thread started as a nice little diversion with some cute jokes but there is always a point when some wingnut injects racism or politics into it. I come here to read about and share my passion for 'Vettes. Leave the other crap and garbage for somewhere else.
01-12-2015, 09:17 AM
#28
Melting Slicks
Whether I am offended or not it doesn't belong here nor the prior cartoon or the joke by "Crewzin". The joke by BadUmp is wrong on many more levels than just the politics of it. BTW Crewzin I see you are a volunteer Sheriffs Deputy in Florida - nice picture standing by your police cruiser. My stepson is a police officer here in North Jersey (and a combat vet from Iraq). Things have gotten a little tense around here lately as a result of events in Missouri, etc. You know a lot of people don't trust the police claiming they are racist and out to get them. Thanks for posting a (sarcasm on) "cute little joke" that shows how unbiased police officers really are. It'll lighten his day when I tell him about you and the joke. Yesiree, when he starts his four days on tomorrow night, he'll be sure to share that joke with all the people he encounters during the overnight as a real cop (sarcasm off). The thread started as a nice little diversion with some cute jokes but there is always a point when some wingnut injects racism or politics into it. I come here to read about and share my passion for 'Vettes. Leave the other crap and garbage for somewhere else.
01-12-2015, 09:22 AM
#29
Drifting
01-12-2015, 09:39 AM
#30
Cruising
Member Since: Jun 2014
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Silver96 whats wrong with jokes by badump? I think you just need to grow up and understand that everything you find offensive doesn't have to be remove because you don't like what is said. I would also point out trying to bring Missouri into this discussion is just ridiculous.
01-12-2015, 10:21 AM
#32
Banned Loser
Thread Starter
Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: They say you learn from your mistakes, I must be a genius
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2017 Corvette of the Year
2016 C4 of Year Finalist
Creator of the "Original" whining and crying thread
St. Jude Donor '14-'15-'16-'17
Keep them coming guys and gals.....some funny stuff here. 
01-12-2015, 12:44 PM
#35
Team Owner
Silver96 whats wrong with jokes by badump? I think you just need to grow up and understand that everything you find offensive doesn't have to be remove because you don't like what is said. I would also point out trying to bring Missouri into this discussion is just ridiculous.
whew! for a moment there I thought I'd woke up in Paris .....
01-12-2015, 01:06 PM
#36
Cruising
Member Since: Jun 2014
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01-12-2015, 03:20 PM
#37
Drifting
Silver96 whats wrong with jokes by badump? I think you just need to grow up and understand that everything you find offensive doesn't have to be remove because you don't like what is said. I would also point out trying to bring Missouri into this discussion is just ridiculous.
01-12-2015, 03:39 PM
#38
Race Director
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane... He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
01-12-2015, 03:39 PM
#39
Burning Brakes
Guy walks into my parts store. Says "I need a gas cap for a Kia."
I said, okay, sounds like a fair trade.
I said, okay, sounds like a fair trade.
01-12-2015, 03:40 PM
#40
Burning Brakes
Why do the British drink warm beer?
Because Lucas Electronics makes their refrigerators.
Because Lucas Electronics makes their refrigerators.