Anyone have a good joke to share?
01-16-2015, 08:04 PM
#83
Instructor
An Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys are walking down a street and they come across a dog in a yard licking it's butt.
One guy says to the other, "Gee, I wish I could do that"
The other one says "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him, first??"
One guy says to the other, "Gee, I wish I could do that"
The other one says "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him, first??"
01-17-2015, 10:46 AM
#86
Burning Brakes
01-20-2015, 11:23 AM
#88
Melting Slicks
DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!
>>>
>>>
>>> Three women die together in an accident
>>> And go to heaven.
>>>
>>> When they get there, St. Peter says,
>>> 'We only have one rule here in heaven:
>>> Don't step on the ducks!'
>>>
>>> So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
>>> There are ducks all over the place.
>>> It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
>>> And although they try their best to avoid them,
>>> The first woman accidentally steps on one.
>>>
>>> Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
>>> St.. Peter chains them together and says,
>>> 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
>>> Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
>>> The next day,
>>> The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
>>> And along comes St. Peter,
>>> Who doesn't miss a thing.
>>> With him is another extremely ugly man.
>>> He chains them together
>>> With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
>>>
>>> The third woman has observed all this and,
>>> Not wanting to be chained
>>> For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
>>> VERY careful where she steps.
>>>
>>> She manages to go months
>>> Without stepping on any ducks,
>>> But
>>> One day St.Peter comes up to her
>>> With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
>>> ..... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
>>>
>>> The happy woman says,
>>> 'I wonder what I did to deserve being
>>> Chained to you for all of eternity?'
>>>
>>> The guy says,
>>> 'I don't know about you,
>>> But I stepped on a
>>> Duck.
>>>
>>>
>>> Three women die together in an accident
>>> And go to heaven.
>>>
>>> When they get there, St. Peter says,
>>> 'We only have one rule here in heaven:
>>> Don't step on the ducks!'
>>>
>>> So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
>>> There are ducks all over the place.
>>> It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
>>> And although they try their best to avoid them,
>>> The first woman accidentally steps on one.
>>>
>>> Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
>>> St.. Peter chains them together and says,
>>> 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
>>> Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
>>> The next day,
>>> The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
>>> And along comes St. Peter,
>>> Who doesn't miss a thing.
>>> With him is another extremely ugly man.
>>> He chains them together
>>> With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
>>>
>>> The third woman has observed all this and,
>>> Not wanting to be chained
>>> For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
>>> VERY careful where she steps.
>>>
>>> She manages to go months
>>> Without stepping on any ducks,
>>> But
>>> One day St.Peter comes up to her
>>> With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
>>> ..... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
>>>
>>> The happy woman says,
>>> 'I wonder what I did to deserve being
>>> Chained to you for all of eternity?'
>>>
>>> The guy says,
>>> 'I don't know about you,
>>> But I stepped on a
>>> Duck.
01-23-2015, 01:40 PM
#89
Burning Brakes
Not exactly a joke but it is a somewhat amusing video. This is also why I don't normally watch YouTube too many random videos like this.
I loved the parts where he stopped and waved at people and then went right back into the song.
01-27-2015, 12:45 AM
#91
Le Mans Master
A guy loses his job. Not knowing how to tell his pregnant wife the news, and not wanting to go home too early, he stops in a bar. As he's drinking his beer, he sees a sign behind the bar, it say's "Win $10,000! Ask bartender for details.
Given his situation, he thought that coming home with 10 Grand might ease the tension at home a bit, so he calls the bartender over asks about the contest. The bartender say's "there's three parts to this contest. First, you see that very big, very angry, ex-marine at the end of the bar? You have to knock him out". "Okay, what's next?" asks our guy. "There is pond out back where an alligator resides. the alligator has a bad tooth. You have to remove the bad tooth." Our guy is getting a little discouraged, but asks what the third part is. "Upstairs, their is a hooker that hasn't had an orgasm in ten years, make her happy, and the money is yours".
Guy takes few shots, and thinking about the money, says, "Alright, I'm in!" He walks to the marine, and with everything he has, knocks him out cold, one shot. Then he heads out back, takes off his shirt and shoes and dives in the pond. There begins a mighty rukus, tail, arms flying, splashing everywhere for 15 minutes. Then the water gets very still. The guy comes out looking victorious, asks, "So where's this hooker with the bad tooth?"
Given his situation, he thought that coming home with 10 Grand might ease the tension at home a bit, so he calls the bartender over asks about the contest. The bartender say's "there's three parts to this contest. First, you see that very big, very angry, ex-marine at the end of the bar? You have to knock him out". "Okay, what's next?" asks our guy. "There is pond out back where an alligator resides. the alligator has a bad tooth. You have to remove the bad tooth." Our guy is getting a little discouraged, but asks what the third part is. "Upstairs, their is a hooker that hasn't had an orgasm in ten years, make her happy, and the money is yours".
Guy takes few shots, and thinking about the money, says, "Alright, I'm in!" He walks to the marine, and with everything he has, knocks him out cold, one shot. Then he heads out back, takes off his shirt and shoes and dives in the pond. There begins a mighty rukus, tail, arms flying, splashing everywhere for 15 minutes. Then the water gets very still. The guy comes out looking victorious, asks, "So where's this hooker with the bad tooth?"
01-28-2015, 10:56 AM
#92
Race Director
TRUE STORY:
A friend that delivers out of town pharmacy samples stopped for a restroom break at a truck stop. The rest room had the usual 3 or 4 urinals in a row with one of them being the low one for kids. He got the last one of the normal height ones and while peeing, a big tattooed biker guy comes in.
The only open stall is the short one, so that's what he starts using. My buddy looks over and says,"Kind of tough when you got a little one ain't it..."
This biker looks over with a scowl and says, "F**K you, A**Hole!" He said he stopped peeing mid-stream and got the hell out of there!
A friend that delivers out of town pharmacy samples stopped for a restroom break at a truck stop. The rest room had the usual 3 or 4 urinals in a row with one of them being the low one for kids. He got the last one of the normal height ones and while peeing, a big tattooed biker guy comes in.
The only open stall is the short one, so that's what he starts using. My buddy looks over and says,"Kind of tough when you got a little one ain't it..."
This biker looks over with a scowl and says, "F**K you, A**Hole!" He said he stopped peeing mid-stream and got the hell out of there!
01-29-2015, 08:27 AM
#93
