96 Vette CE

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

DanielRicany

A women was depressed that she could not find a man because she was unattractive. She went to a wishing well and wished to be made irresistible to any man. She was transformed into a '69 Camaro.

MaxDaemon

Guy wandering on the beach finds a bottle. He pops the top and OUT jumps a genie. Scares the crap out of him.

Genie says he'll grant the guy one wish.

Guy thinks awhile. Finally says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of boats and flying. I think I could handle it IN MY CORVETTE though. Can you make me a sidewalk to Hawaii?"

Genie looks at him. Looks again. Finally says "Do you have any idea what you're asking for? The logistics of the concrete flex, the tidal changes, the fact that the Islands move a bit too in relation to the mainland - it's just impossible. Ask for something else."

The guy looks disappointed but thinks a minute and says "Ok, then I want to understand women."

Genie just stands there. Hands on hips. Finally he says "So .. just how wide did you want that sidewalk?"

Tom400CFI

4 car-guys go hiking one day; a Trans Am guy, and Camaro fanatic, a Mustang lover, and a Corvette enthusiast.

They reach the top of the mountain and a discussion ensues about who is a bigger diehard fan of their car. To prove his loyalty, the Trans Am guy says, "THIS IS FOR THE PONTIAC TRANS AM!". and he leaps off a cliff.

Not to be out done, the Camaro fanatic jumps up and shouts, "THIS IS FOR THE CHEVY CAMARO!" and he run and jumps from the mountain.

Well, the Mustang guy isn't about to be out done by a couple of GM pony car guys, so he yells out, "THIS IS FOR THE FORD MUSTANG!!!"...

...and he pushes the Corvette enthusiast off the cliff.

Cliff Harris

You guys probably should have done this on Off Topic ;-)

https://www.corvetteforum.com/forums/off-topic-26/

MaxDaemon

What if we modified the jokes to have Corvettes in them? I did mine!

<sigh> Ok.

Sowwy ..

ghoastrider1

so cold here in Indiana,.. I just saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pocket.

shootnstarz

This is from when I was a "Ford Only" guy:

Rick

96 Vette CE

Why?


I think C4 Gen can use a little humor.

FOURSPEEDVETTE

True fact! There are millions of Mustangs on roadways today. There could be many more, but some of them actually made it all the way back home.

bizaro

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don’t hit the ducks in your first three months here.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, “The ducks?”
“Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he quacks then the one next to him quacks and soon they’re all quacking to beat the band and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you’ll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.”
Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacked, the one next to it quacked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, “Who hit the duck?”
The guy who had done it admitted, “I did.”
St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,”, he said. Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman. St.Peter cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand.
“I told you not to hit the ducks,” he said; “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and wondered aloud,
“I wonder what I did to deserve this?”
The woman responds, “I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck.”

JCrock

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter
at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a
pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow a and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"


The man replied, "These are Carol's.

LANDSHARK1

Ah yes...jokes!

Was in the bathroom of a bar a while ago and as I relieved myself, saw some graffiti on the wall that said:

The joke is in your hand!

cessnaguy1965

A magician gets a gig doing his magic act on a cruise liner. The Captain is a big fan of magic acts, so he attends every show, but with his parrot on his shoulder. After a half dozen shows, the parrot starts to figure out the act and gets bored. To pass his boredom, the parrot starts yelling out the tricks as the magician is doing them. After having his act ruined, the magician and the parrot don't like each other very well.

One night the ship hits an iceberg and sinks. The magician comes to on a large piece of the wreckage and after getting his wits about him notices the parrot on the other end. After a ten minute stare off the parrot says, "Okay, I give up. Where's the boat?"

I'm here all week. Try the veal...

Lynda Olson

how does hitler tie his shoes

with little *****

Tom Johnston

Did you hear the one about the Cannibal who passed his brother in the woods ?.

Cliff Harris

Two older nuns and one young nun were riding in a car when it was in a terrible accident and all 3 were killed. They arrive at the pearly gates and meet St. Peter. St. Peter tells them they had led good lives but must answer one question correctly to get into heaven.

St. Peter asks the first nun, "Who was the first man"? She answers, "Adam". Trumpets sound and the pearly gates open and the nun walks into heaven.

St. Peter asks the second nun, "Who was the first woman"? She answers, "Eve'. Trumpets sound and the pearly gates open and the nun walks into heaven.

Now it's the young nun's turn. She's very nervous because she hasn't been a nun very long and feels she might not know the answer. St. Peter asks the young nun, "What were the first words that Eve said to Adam"? The young nun is very nervous and says, "Gee, that's a hard one". Trumpets sound and the pearly gates open...

92ragtop

Bumper sticker on a Corvette: My other car is a Porsche, but today I was in a hurry.

CREWZIN

Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew.
This announcement followed Gordon 's decision to take advantage of President Obama's stimulus scheme for employing Black Harlem teenagers. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how welfare drawing black street gangs from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon 's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars' worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be politically correct and a bold move by Gordon 's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits.
UPDATE:
However, Gordon got more than he bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced black crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 9 seconds they had repainted it, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt, Jr., for 10 cases of Budweiser, a bag of weed and some photos of Jeff Gordon 's wife in the shower

Silver96ce

Bet the black members of the forum will really enjoy your "sense" of humor.