A Little Humor
01-21-2015, 10:27 AM
#161
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Good morning, here's more reality than a joke. Ouch!
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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three
days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
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And that my friends is the reality of it all.
This joke isn't funny to me as my 36yr old ex wife just informed me she got engaged this past weekend after dating the guy 4mths??
While I could care less about that. Its my grammar school age son that is my immediate concern
Amazing isn't it? Wtf even though we are divorced 6yrs she still manages to terrorize me
PeterB
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Thank you Catman for the wisdom in your powerful statement. How true, nothing I can do will change anything and by offering my unconditional love to Nicholas PeterB I have done my part as a Blessed father. I'm so grateful to have him in my life regardless of what awaits us. May God continue to watch over us all. I'm truly more at peace now. Thank you for your kind post C58.
Good morning, here's more reality than a joke. Ouch!
-
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three
days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
-
And that my friends is the reality of it all.
This joke isn't funny to me as my 36yr old ex wife just informed me she got engaged this past weekend after dating the guy 4mths??
While I could care less about that. Its my grammar school age son that is my immediate concern
Amazing isn't it? Wtf even though we are divorced 6yrs she still manages to terrorize me
PeterB
-
Thank you Catman for the wisdom in your powerful statement. How true, nothing I can do will change anything and by offering my unconditional love to Nicholas PeterB I have done my part as a Blessed father. I'm so grateful to have him in my life regardless of what awaits us. May God continue to watch over us all. I'm truly more at peace now. Thank you for your kind post C58.
Last edited by PeterB; 01-22-2015 at 01:05 AM.
01-22-2015, 10:18 AM
#164
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Yup and of course she's also a blonde... So in her honor here are the;
Top 25 things Blondes say during intimate moments...
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. But whipped cream makes me break out.
5. (In the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
6. I accept Visa?
7. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
8. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
9. Hope you're as good- looking when I'm sober...
10. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
11. This would be more fun with a few more people.
12. You're almost as good as my ex!
13. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
14. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
15. No, really... I do this part better myself!
16. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
17. I think you have it on backwards.
18. When is this supposed to feel good?
19. You're good enough to do this for a living!
20. Is that blood on the headboard?
21. Did I remember to take my pill?
22. That leak better be from the waterbed!
23. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
24. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
25. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
LOl Ha! Enjoy your day gentlemen
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Yup and of course she's also a blonde... So in her honor here are the;
Top 25 things Blondes say during intimate moments...
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. But whipped cream makes me break out.
5. (In the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
6. I accept Visa?
7. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
8. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
9. Hope you're as good- looking when I'm sober...
10. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
11. This would be more fun with a few more people.
12. You're almost as good as my ex!
13. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
14. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
15. No, really... I do this part better myself!
16. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
17. I think you have it on backwards.
18. When is this supposed to feel good?
19. You're good enough to do this for a living!
20. Is that blood on the headboard?
21. Did I remember to take my pill?
22. That leak better be from the waterbed!
23. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
24. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
25. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
LOl Ha! Enjoy your day gentlemen
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01-24-2015, 07:48 PM
#165
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A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."
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A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."
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01-25-2015, 09:34 PM
#166
Safety Car
Found this on the Duramax forum. One of the few from there I can post here. Not so uptight over there.
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Very Impressive!
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ' ½ Ton’s,'
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his
shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their
pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why
the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained,'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting
to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per
hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of
trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead
of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the
waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right
there?'
"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can
save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it
out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Very Impressive!
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, ' ½ Ton’s,'
and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his
shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and
utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their
pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why
the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained,'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting
to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It
represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per
hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of
trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his
spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead
of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string
hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the
waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right
there?'
"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can
save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it
out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon
01-25-2015, 10:10 PM
#168
Safety Car
01-25-2015, 10:40 PM
#169
Safety Car
Two little boys, Tom and Danny, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their Mom knows if any mischief
occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent Danny in the morning, with the older boy to see the
preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's
face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his
closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
They are always getting into trouble and their Mom knows if any mischief
occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent Danny in the morning, with the older boy to see the
preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's
face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his
closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
01-25-2015, 10:42 PM
#170
Safety Car
I was in the Texas Rose last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer in spandex came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt.
She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.”
I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen?”
She said, “I sure do."
I said, “ Well, you better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”
My dental surgery is on Monday.
She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.”
I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen?”
She said, “I sure do."
I said, “ Well, you better get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”
My dental surgery is on Monday.
01-25-2015, 11:13 PM
#172
Safety Car
Has to fix this one a little
Little Johnny meets Barack Obama...
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and visited a
fourth grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words
and their meanings.
The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on
the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an
example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him,
that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher
held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was
struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a
tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as he77
wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet a$$ it wouldn't be
an accident either!"
Little Johnny meets Barack Obama...
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and visited a
fourth grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words
and their meanings.
The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on
the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an
example of a 'tragedy'.
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him,
that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Obama, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call great loss."
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher
held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was
struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a
tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as he77
wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet a$$ it wouldn't be
an accident either!"
01-26-2015, 07:28 PM
#174
Racer
The Drug Squad officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with
an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out a distant location.
The Drug Squad officer verbally exploded, saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I f*****g wish.... on ANY land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...... do you understand???"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up and saw the Drug Squad officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
(I just love this part....)
"Your badge........ show him your F*****g BADGE!!"
________________________________
an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out a distant location.
The Drug Squad officer verbally exploded, saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I f*****g wish.... on ANY land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear...... do you understand???"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up and saw the Drug Squad officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's enormous Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gruesomely gored before he reached safety. The man was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
(I just love this part....)
"Your badge........ show him your F*****g BADGE!!"
________________________________
01-26-2015, 07:49 PM
#175
Racer
The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson . . . .
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin's hooker."
Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply try to continue with the lesson . . . .
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Kevin's hooker."
01-26-2015, 09:19 PM
#177
Racer
The Bagpiper
Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow
that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a
bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to
play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or
friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Lanark
County back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw
the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and
crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the
men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and
the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I
started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out
my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I
wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing!
Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow
that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a
bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to
play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or
friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Lanark
County back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical
man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw
the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and
crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the
men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and
the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I
started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out
my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I
wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing!
01-29-2015, 10:23 PM
#178
Racer
For us older guys
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing
01-30-2015, 11:11 AM
#179
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Certainly! Good morning, how appropoe .... What's doing Catman? What's new and exciting brotha?
I used to know a Greek guy in ChiTown that went by Catman. Good golfer, womanieser and a fun guy to hang with!!
The type that had it $$ and flaunted it, tipped everyone bought drinks for everybody, like I said fun guy to hang with
Haven't seen him in years... That's not you by any chance is it
-
Super Bowl - Seattle has a good shot to upset the favorite Pats...
Q: Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: Why does President Obama want to send Seahawk QB Russell Wilson to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
Q. How are the Seahawks like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Seahawks joke?
A: Doug Baldwin!
Q: Why is Doug Baldwin like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the 49ers shadow!
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Seattle Seahawks.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Seattle Seahawks out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Seattle Seahawks fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Arizona."
Q: How do you stop an Seattle Seahawks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Arizona Red!
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of Chit and an Seattle Seahawks fan?
A: The bucket.
Lol and on and on and on....
Got to run..... I'll post Pats funnies a little later.
Who do you like and why ?
Certainly! Good morning, how appropoe .... What's doing Catman? What's new and exciting brotha?
I used to know a Greek guy in ChiTown that went by Catman. Good golfer, womanieser and a fun guy to hang with!!
The type that had it $$ and flaunted it, tipped everyone bought drinks for everybody, like I said fun guy to hang with
Haven't seen him in years... That's not you by any chance is it
-
Super Bowl - Seattle has a good shot to upset the favorite Pats...
Q: Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: Why does President Obama want to send Seahawk QB Russell Wilson to Syria?
A: The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
Q. How are the Seahawks like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Seahawks joke?
A: Doug Baldwin!
Q: Why is Doug Baldwin like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in the 49ers shadow!
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Seattle Seahawks.
Q: What do the Seattle Seahawks and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Seattle Seahawks out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Seattle Seahawks fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Arizona."
Q: How do you stop an Seattle Seahawks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Arizona Red!
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of Chit and an Seattle Seahawks fan?
A: The bucket.
Lol and on and on and on....
Got to run..... I'll post Pats funnies a little later.
Who do you like and why ?
01-30-2015, 05:49 PM
#180
Le Mans Master
Pro Mechanic
Boyfriend has a nasty breakup with his girl and then, to make matters worse, he finds out his best friend is her new lover. A few weeks later he runs into his (ex) best friend at the bar.
Not able to take it, he asks "So...how's that used *****?"
Guy downs his shot and replies, "Not bad after you get past the used part."
Not able to take it, he asks "So...how's that used *****?"
Guy downs his shot and replies, "Not bad after you get past the used part."