Ricer
08-03-2011, 10:53 AM
#1
Safety Car
Thread Starter
Ricer
Can we please clarify the term "rice/ricer"? Some people clearly don't know what it means and use it to describe anything they don't like.
The Dumb Philosophy
They have many different tastes, but in general they operate by the following philosophy: Neon, body-kits, fart cans and chrome will make the car faster, and they will get me laid with preps.
What is a Ricer?
Car Characteristics
A Ricer’s car is an automobile that has been cheaply modified to give the impression of high performance, but does not necessarily have any high-performance capabilities. They usually do this by buying typically (but not necessarily) cheap Japanese Import cars (hence the term “Rice”, though there's also the the term “Wheat” for American ricers & “Kraut” for German ricers.), and then installing as many “cool” visual modifications on their cars as they possibly can, usually the cheapest, without any regard to practicality, cost, style or taste. As opposed to car enthusiasts that modify and enhance the appearance of their cars, ricers don't usually care what they install, so style and quality is not an issue here. Often, these “modifications” end up costing so much that they ironically could have used that money to actually buy a better car.
Ricers have a strong desire to spend hundreds upon thousands of dollars on unnecessary body-kits, chrome rims, HUGE mufflers, televisions and wings (spoilers) to their cars. Yet they will try to dismantle and destroy the rear seats, side panels etc and say it's to reduce weight. Most outstanding is the fact that in actuality they spend almost no money on upgrades to the engine, transmission, or anything else that really might make the car faster.
Ricers foolishly believe that the average person is jealous of their $1100 econobox. Ricers are also known to drive around town with primer or ****** flat paint patches for an unlimited amount of time. Ricers often stoop to creating their own "custom" body kits, out of cheep materials such cardboard, paper, or household plastics. If you're lucky, sometimes you can find a ricer with cardboard windows. Many ricers love this mod thinking it increases safety, handling, and horsepower. They are also known to never wash or clean any part of their cars whatsoever, resulting in rusty, primer patched "beauty spots". Some even tint their windows including the windshield to .000000001% which again in the belief that it increases the cars safety and horses under the hood.
EditPersonal Characteristics
Ricers have a tendency to tell REAL car enthusiasts that their cars don't look fast enough to beat theirs. They tend to see themselves as able tuners of the motor racing world as they try to modify their cars by themselves and believe professional advice or help is useless because "The Fast And The Furious" or "The Speed Channel" taught them everything.
Ricers are also typically people who actually know very little if not nothing at all about the mechanics of cars. Hence they will often make poor installations of their said “modifications”, by doing things like putting wings tilted at ridiculous angles (either they point up or so far down its like a wall) on front wheel drive cars, even though it increases drag and decreases traction, making the car hazardous to drive at high speeds; painting it wild, eye burning neon colors with flames up the side of their cars that only serve to make the car look like a children’s toy; installing monstrous tachometers into a car which has automatic transmission; wasting money on atrocious body kits when they could've spent half of it lowering their car to improve handling; and so on.
They also believe that the laws of physics either don't apply in the vicinity of their car, or don't exist at all. This explains why they think that their body kits and spoilers make their cars go faster. After all, in Ricerland INCREASING frontal surface area somehow DECREASES drag. And of course ADDING excessive parts to a car will somehow REDUCE it's weight. They also think that making their car sound like a cross between a weed whacker and a vacuum is impressive. Swerving through traffic and cutting as many people off as possible is an integral part of their faith. They also try to thwart the existence of speed bumps by making their cars so low that they cannot traverse these common obstacles. How they believe that this will exterminate speed bumps has been puzzling scientists for the last few decades. When it's pointed out that NO expensive sports cars or race cars are front wheel drive, they get all offended and maintain that it's just because the manufacturers of these genuine sports cars are less intelligent than the ricer community. They characteristically have large rims on their cars, and are oblivious to the fact that larger rims actually decrease acceleration and braking.
If you are still unsure of what a ricer is, you must drive to a local Burger King at anytime from 9PM-12AM, where you will find clusters of them gathered around the premises. This can be for 1 of 2 reasons. 1: They are working there to afford those 2 dollar vents from Autozone. 2: They spent all their money on their fart can so they are forced to dine there. Ricers can be easily recognized: They are the ones that are sitting in a group complimenting one another's piles of junk by saying, "THAT'S XXXXX PIMPIN' YO!" or the ones doing massive useless burnouts in their mom's Durango. They are also the one's who rev at you with their '95 Ford Escort at a stoplight. Ricers love to street race. You must not look at them for too long though, you'll lose 32 brain cells for every 10 seconds you look. In addition to the loss of brain cells you will make the ricers feel like awesome sauce because they think you are staring because it looks good.
Dealing With Ricers:
When forced into communication with a ricer, head nodding while thinking about actually nice cars is a good way to survive their logic free conversations about how painting the plastic bits of their interior increases their car's top speed by 250mph. Some ricers are hard to convince because not only do they spend their free time in their car, but they also stay up at night making illogical explanations why every thing he put on his car was necessary. Kind of like why he put a 2 and a half foot tall spoiler that points almost straight up in the middle of his Honda Civic hatchback's roof.
Due to the danger of severe IQ drops, scientists recommend never talking to a ricer for more than 17.6 seconds, if trapped into a conversation for longer than this, ask them why all muscle cars have rear wheel drive. If this fails, it is recommended that you find the nearest sharp object and stick it in your eye, thus creating a reason to break off the conversation. Sticking said object in the ricer's eye/tires works just as well, with the added bonus of no pain to you.
If you are still confused on what rice is, you are probably a ricer.
VIDEO EXAMPLE:
The Dumb Philosophy
They have many different tastes, but in general they operate by the following philosophy: Neon, body-kits, fart cans and chrome will make the car faster, and they will get me laid with preps.
What is a Ricer?
Car Characteristics
A Ricer’s car is an automobile that has been cheaply modified to give the impression of high performance, but does not necessarily have any high-performance capabilities. They usually do this by buying typically (but not necessarily) cheap Japanese Import cars (hence the term “Rice”, though there's also the the term “Wheat” for American ricers & “Kraut” for German ricers.), and then installing as many “cool” visual modifications on their cars as they possibly can, usually the cheapest, without any regard to practicality, cost, style or taste. As opposed to car enthusiasts that modify and enhance the appearance of their cars, ricers don't usually care what they install, so style and quality is not an issue here. Often, these “modifications” end up costing so much that they ironically could have used that money to actually buy a better car.
Ricers have a strong desire to spend hundreds upon thousands of dollars on unnecessary body-kits, chrome rims, HUGE mufflers, televisions and wings (spoilers) to their cars. Yet they will try to dismantle and destroy the rear seats, side panels etc and say it's to reduce weight. Most outstanding is the fact that in actuality they spend almost no money on upgrades to the engine, transmission, or anything else that really might make the car faster.
Ricers foolishly believe that the average person is jealous of their $1100 econobox. Ricers are also known to drive around town with primer or ****** flat paint patches for an unlimited amount of time. Ricers often stoop to creating their own "custom" body kits, out of cheep materials such cardboard, paper, or household plastics. If you're lucky, sometimes you can find a ricer with cardboard windows. Many ricers love this mod thinking it increases safety, handling, and horsepower. They are also known to never wash or clean any part of their cars whatsoever, resulting in rusty, primer patched "beauty spots". Some even tint their windows including the windshield to .000000001% which again in the belief that it increases the cars safety and horses under the hood.
EditPersonal Characteristics
Ricers have a tendency to tell REAL car enthusiasts that their cars don't look fast enough to beat theirs. They tend to see themselves as able tuners of the motor racing world as they try to modify their cars by themselves and believe professional advice or help is useless because "The Fast And The Furious" or "The Speed Channel" taught them everything.
Ricers are also typically people who actually know very little if not nothing at all about the mechanics of cars. Hence they will often make poor installations of their said “modifications”, by doing things like putting wings tilted at ridiculous angles (either they point up or so far down its like a wall) on front wheel drive cars, even though it increases drag and decreases traction, making the car hazardous to drive at high speeds; painting it wild, eye burning neon colors with flames up the side of their cars that only serve to make the car look like a children’s toy; installing monstrous tachometers into a car which has automatic transmission; wasting money on atrocious body kits when they could've spent half of it lowering their car to improve handling; and so on.
They also believe that the laws of physics either don't apply in the vicinity of their car, or don't exist at all. This explains why they think that their body kits and spoilers make their cars go faster. After all, in Ricerland INCREASING frontal surface area somehow DECREASES drag. And of course ADDING excessive parts to a car will somehow REDUCE it's weight. They also think that making their car sound like a cross between a weed whacker and a vacuum is impressive. Swerving through traffic and cutting as many people off as possible is an integral part of their faith. They also try to thwart the existence of speed bumps by making their cars so low that they cannot traverse these common obstacles. How they believe that this will exterminate speed bumps has been puzzling scientists for the last few decades. When it's pointed out that NO expensive sports cars or race cars are front wheel drive, they get all offended and maintain that it's just because the manufacturers of these genuine sports cars are less intelligent than the ricer community. They characteristically have large rims on their cars, and are oblivious to the fact that larger rims actually decrease acceleration and braking.
If you are still unsure of what a ricer is, you must drive to a local Burger King at anytime from 9PM-12AM, where you will find clusters of them gathered around the premises. This can be for 1 of 2 reasons. 1: They are working there to afford those 2 dollar vents from Autozone. 2: They spent all their money on their fart can so they are forced to dine there. Ricers can be easily recognized: They are the ones that are sitting in a group complimenting one another's piles of junk by saying, "THAT'S XXXXX PIMPIN' YO!" or the ones doing massive useless burnouts in their mom's Durango. They are also the one's who rev at you with their '95 Ford Escort at a stoplight. Ricers love to street race. You must not look at them for too long though, you'll lose 32 brain cells for every 10 seconds you look. In addition to the loss of brain cells you will make the ricers feel like awesome sauce because they think you are staring because it looks good.
Dealing With Ricers:
When forced into communication with a ricer, head nodding while thinking about actually nice cars is a good way to survive their logic free conversations about how painting the plastic bits of their interior increases their car's top speed by 250mph. Some ricers are hard to convince because not only do they spend their free time in their car, but they also stay up at night making illogical explanations why every thing he put on his car was necessary. Kind of like why he put a 2 and a half foot tall spoiler that points almost straight up in the middle of his Honda Civic hatchback's roof.
Due to the danger of severe IQ drops, scientists recommend never talking to a ricer for more than 17.6 seconds, if trapped into a conversation for longer than this, ask them why all muscle cars have rear wheel drive. If this fails, it is recommended that you find the nearest sharp object and stick it in your eye, thus creating a reason to break off the conversation. Sticking said object in the ricer's eye/tires works just as well, with the added bonus of no pain to you.
If you are still confused on what rice is, you are probably a ricer.
VIDEO EXAMPLE:
08-03-2011, 11:04 AM
#6
Safety Car
Thread Starter
You and your black wheels. 
