Where can find this SNL skit: Walter Matthau and the Bad News Bees? - Corvette Forum

Go Back   Corvette Forum > Off Topic > Off Topic
Log In 
Register FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Vendor Directory

Off Topic
Off Topic | Non-Corvette

Where can find this SNL skit: Walter Matthau and the Bad News Bees?

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-10-2009, 08:21 AM   #1
CF Senior Member
St. Jude Donor '09
DJ_Critterus's Avatar
Member Since: Jan 2006
Posts: 29,508
Location: FL.... America's Wang!
Thanked 22 Times in 15 Posts
Default Where can find this SNL skit: Walter Matthau and the Bad News Bees?

Here's the transcript. Now where can i find the video clip? My connection here in Chit-hole-istan is too slow for anything that I would normally use back home.

78g: Walter Matthau

The Bad News Bees

Kurt.....Bill Murray
Alan.....John Belushi
Raymond.....Garrett Morris
Artie.....Dan Aykroyd
Coach.....Walter Matthau

[ open on interior, team bunk cabin ]

Kurt: Boy, I'm sure glad you're pitching tomorrow - it's gonna be a rough game. Ah, no problem. By the time camp's over, once again our twam will be champs!

[ the team cheers ]

Kurt: [ whistles ] Hey, Alan - heads up!

Alan: Hey, cut it out, you guys!

Raymond: Hey, hey. What's that you're reading, Alan?

Alan: Nothing!

Kurt: Whaddaya mean, nothing?! Hey, Charlie, look at this! A Playbee magazine!

[ everyone oohs and ahhs over the contents of Alan's dirty magazine ]

Artie: Boy, I'd sure like to get into her honey sac!

Alan: Yeah, me too!

Kurt: Oh, whadda you knew about that, Alan!

Alan: As much as you do!

Kurt: Oh, yeah? I bet you never even did it!

Alan: I.. did.. too..

Kurt: Oh, yeah? Well, then tell me how you did it!

Alan: [ stung ] Okay.. so I never did it..

[ everyone laughs at Alan ]

Artie: I knew he was lying!

Kurt: I bet you never did it!

Artie: [ hesitant ] ..Sure, I did.

Raymond: With who?!

Artie: Laura Finch.

Kurt: Really?

Artie: Yeah! One day a whole swarm of us gang stang her behind the bowling alley.

[ suddenly, the Coach enters the cabin ]

Coach: What's going on in here?! Huh?!

Alan: Ah, nothing, Coach.. we're just talking.

Coach: Come on! Lights out, guys! We've got a big game tomorrow, I want you guys to get a lot of sleep, see? Come on!

[ everyone moans and groans ]

Coach: Come on! [ spies magazine ] What is this? [ grabs magazine and leafs through it ] What is this stuff? What are you guys doing with this thing, huh?! Aren't you a little young to be looking at this?

Kurt: Aren't you a little bit old!

Coach: Listen, Hansen! When you're my age, you should stick it to the queen as often as I do! Now, get some sleep!

Team: Goodnight, Coach!

Coach: Goodnight, guys.

[ Coach exits cabin ]

Artie: Boy.. too bad he took that magazine - those pictures were great!

Raymond: You're not kidding, man..

Alan: Come on, guys! The Coach is right - let's get some sleep!

[ the team agrees, and quickly got to sleep ]

[ with everyone asleep, the sound of Alan's cot squeaking can be heard ]

Kurt: Hey, Alan, would you pull your stinger somewhere else!

[ everyone humiliates Alan ]

Alan: Dammit, you guys! Dammit! I was not!

Kurt: You were, too!

Alan: I was not!

[ Coach re-enters, angrier than before ]

Coach: What's going on in here?! Huh?! What's all the racket about?! I thought I told you to go to sleep!!

Artie: We were trying to, Coach, but Alan made too much noise because he was.. buzzing off!

Team: Alan was buzzing off! Alan was buzzing off! Alan was buzzing off!!

Alan: I swear, I wasn't!

Kurt: Oh, yeah? Then why is there honey all over your sheets!

Coach: Come on, you guys.. cut it out! Come over here, Alan.. come over here..

[ Coach and Alan sit down ]

Alan: Yeah, Coach?

Coach: Nothing wrong in what you were doing, Alan. It's perfectly normal for someone your age to bend his barb once in a while. Everyone does it, there's nothing to be ashamed of. What's the matter with you, guys? Artie, can you say that you've never done it?

Artie: No..

Coach: You, Raymond?

Raymond: Well, uh.. no, Coach..

Coach: How about you, Kurt? Youve polished your bayonet, haven't you?

Kurt: [ hesitant ] ..Yeah.. once.

Coach: You see? It's a natural function - everyone does it.

Raymond: Even you, Coach?

Coach: Yes. Twice.

Team: The Coach buzzes off!!

Alan: Shut up!!

Coach: Even females do it.

Artie: [ suddenly interested ] Really?! How?!

Coach: Well.. I'm not sure, exactly, but, uh.. let me tell you a story about a ballplayer I knew, who, uh.. used to buzz off five, six, seven times a day. And his teammates, they made fun of him, they razzed him all the time. And he was ashamed, and it was affecting all aspects of his game. He had trouble throwing, fielding, hitting with power, running to the bases.. And then, one day, he just accepted the fact that he was a chronic buzz off. And once he accepted that fact, he became a great ballplayer, and he went on to hit three home runs in the last game of the 1977 World Series!

[ the team is amazed by the identity of the buzz off ]

Team: Reggie Jackson!!

Coach: Reggie Jackson. That's right, Alan, you're in good company.

[ the team quickly apologizes for making fun of Alan earlier ]

Alan: Ah, that's okay, guys..

Coach: Now, you get back to bed, guys.

Team: Goodnight, Coach!!

Coach: Goodnight!

[ Coach exits the cabin ]

[ suddenly, all the cots in the cabin begin squeaking ]

[ fade ]
DJ_Critterus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2009, 08:41 AM   #2
CF Senior Member
chuck13's Avatar
Member Since: Aug 2007
Posts: 600
Location: been there done that
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

i remember that!that was some funny chit there man!john belushi was

oh by the way
chuck13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Go Back   Corvette Forum > Off Topic > Off Topic
Reload this Page Where can find this SNL skit: Walter Matthau and the Bad News Bees?

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Breaking: Assistant Mack Breed told John Jay principal he ordered ref hits in anger Hurricane Off Topic 27 09-24-2015 09:39 AM
Football Players Who Blindsided Ref... anjdog2003 Off Topic 69 09-21-2015 06:35 PM
Poll: FBS coaches prefer eight-team playoff to four-team playoff anjdog2003 Off Topic 7 11-25-2014 04:30 AM
Nick Saban's daughter was West Virginia QB's first kis anjdog2003 Off Topic 27 08-27-2014 09:27 PM
ASU Go Daddy Bowl (BCS bowl preview) LarryMJones Off Topic 3 01-06-2014 12:19 PM

alan, bad, bees, buzzing, killer, mathau, matthau, mthau, news, off, skit, snl, tube, video, walter

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Click for Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:41 AM.