Its Friday now you have to like these:
06-26-2009, 07:53 AM
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Its Friday now you have to like these:
A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the mens. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged 3 inches into your wife's brain, which was the the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "we also found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her **** cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was just my Mulligan!"
One more !!
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died ... I'm married to his f_ckin' widow."
One more !!
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died ... I'm married to his f_ckin' widow."
06-26-2009, 01:50 PM
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Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux’s wife Lillie Mae at the bayou store saying “my, my but you sure are looking fine today Lillie Mae”. 
She replied “there’s a lot more for looking and doing if you want to come by but you’re going to have to bring $200.00!” Boudreaux got excited and said “you KNOW I’d like that but what about Thibodeaux?
Don’t worry about him. He’s working at the sugar mill till 5.
Well, a good time they did have and Boudreaux left her alone and $200.00 to the good. But, when Thibodeaux did come home he burst in and demanded “did that Boudreaux come by here today?”
She was so nervous she just blurted out that yes indeed he had been there today. While she was trying to think of an answer to what could be the next question he asked “did he leave $200.00?” Again, being caught off guard she didn’t know what to say but “yes he did”.
Thibodeaux threw his hardhat down on the table and said “How about that Boudreaux! He came by the mill today to borrow $200.00 and said he’d have it back to me by this afternoon!”
She replied “there’s a lot more for looking and doing if you want to come by but you’re going to have to bring $200.00!” Boudreaux got excited and said “you KNOW I’d like that but what about Thibodeaux?
Don’t worry about him. He’s working at the sugar mill till 5.
Well, a good time they did have and Boudreaux left her alone and $200.00 to the good. But, when Thibodeaux did come home he burst in and demanded “did that Boudreaux come by here today?”
She was so nervous she just blurted out that yes indeed he had been there today. While she was trying to think of an answer to what could be the next question he asked “did he leave $200.00?” Again, being caught off guard she didn’t know what to say but “yes he did”.
Thibodeaux threw his hardhat down on the table and said “How about that Boudreaux! He came by the mill today to borrow $200.00 and said he’d have it back to me by this afternoon!”
06-26-2009, 01:56 PM
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When on the course, here are some terms from the New Dictionary of Golf....
1. A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't
2. A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another
3. A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand
4. A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water
5. A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed
6. An 'O.J.'- got away with one
7. A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver
8. A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver
9. A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good
10. A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole
11. A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right
12. A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds
13. A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read
14. A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out
15. A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist
16. A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees
17. A 'Mickey Mantle' - a dead yank
18. A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole
1. A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't
2. A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another
3. A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand
4. A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water
5. A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed
6. An 'O.J.'- got away with one
7. A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver
8. A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used the driver
9. A 'Condom' - safe, but didn't feel very good
10. A 'Brazilian' - shaved the hole
11. A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a little to the right
12. A 'Nancy Pelosi' - Way to the left and out of bounds
13. A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's impossible to read
14. A 'Ted Kennedy' - goes in the water and jumps out
15. A 'Pee Wee Herman' - too much wrist
16. A 'Sonny Bono' - straight into the trees
17. A 'Mickey Mantle' - a dead yank
18. A 'Paris Hilton' - a very expensive hole