Kerrmudgeon

Good Morning everybody .......With all this strange weather around the continent I think we could all use a few laughs. I'll start it off but feel free to add funny stuff any time this weekend.
________________________________________ ________________

A few gifs from our buddy Bill......





















And speaking of SHITHOLES........this is when you know you're being sent to one in the military....

1. If your C.O. says tells you to update your Gamma Globulin, Yellow Fever, Malaria, Dysentery, Tetanus and other fun immunizations
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

2. If the Mobilization Officer says don’t waste your time bringing a radio or any other electronic as there is no electricity and there are no signals
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

3. If the Travel Pay folks say your advance includes the Per Diem rate of $8.00/day, for everything
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

4. If the “Area Cultural” briefing is 30 minutes long, but the briefing on communicable diseases is 3 hours long
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

5. If the “Area Cultural” briefing includes facts that some leaders in the host country keep young boys as sexual slaves
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

6. If the “Area Cultural” briefing includes that male members of that society have multiple wives, but also engage in sexual activity with barnyard animals
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

7. If the “Medical Briefing” includes recommendations not to walk barefoot, drink the local water, or eat ANY food on the local economy
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

8. If the “Medical Briefing” includes information that the roadside ditches not only serve as flood control, but also as a common latrine
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

9. If the Daily Report for your new assignment includes an area for “Number of Personnel Med-Evac’d” from theater for unknown diseases
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

10. If the monetary exchange rate is greater than 50 to 1, Local currency to US Dollars
-You might be deploying to a **** Hole.

Kerrmudgeon

A couple courtesy of Sam Kalmuk from this forum.


Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten. I promise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. You juss axe. Whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want to try something I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her.....’You want: "garlic chicken wif snow peas'?



A little content......

Train through the Rockies.....

Sitting crowded together on a train travelling through the Canadian Rockies were Trudeau, a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, Justin Trudeau has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The little old lady thinks: Trudeau must have groped the buxom blond in the dark and she slapped his cheek.

The blond girl thinks: That darn Trudeau must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

Trudeau thinks: That stupid old farmer from Saskatchewan must have groped the blond in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The old farmer from Saskatchewan thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel so I can smack that little ******* from Ottawa again.






A great golfing story.....

A husband takes his wife to play her first round of golf.

The wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A man's voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was all over the place,and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?"

"Uh, yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually, I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out,"I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long,healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"Now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex,the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked,"How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 45," she responded breathlessly.

" NO ****. " He said, "Forty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"




A SPANISH Teacher...... was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!!!!!!!

Kerrmudgeon

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.



“I used to date a dentist. She was a real looker, but it didn't work out. The conversations were like pulling teeth.”



You might be a redneck if...
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You clean your nails with a stick.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.



My mother says she never holds grudges but then will blindside you with something that happened years ago.
Last week she said, "You know, you really hurt me on your birthday."
And I was like, "Which birthday was that?"
So she replied, "The first one. You have a really big head, you know."



During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say....

"You see, it IS vanishing cream!"



.....

Kerrmudgeon

A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.

He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand.

The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing.

So the bartender asks the guy, "Hey man, I hope you don't mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?"

So the man says, "I have to get my date drunk."



On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven.

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’

‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple.

‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter shouted, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

GEM '62

As we progress into 2018, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

*I can no longer open a bathroom door *without using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon peel.

*I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread *because I can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

*I have trouble shaking hands *with someone who has been
driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
is picking one's nose.

*Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because* I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

*I can't touch any woman's handbag *for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public toilet.

*I must send my special thanks *for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

*ALSO,*now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.

*I can't have a drink in a bar *because I fear I'll wake up
in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

*I can't eat at KFC *because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

*I can't use cancer-causing deodorants *even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

*Thanks to you *I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

*Because of your concern,*I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

*I no longer buy *fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

*I no longer use Cling Wrap *in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

*And thanks for letting me know *I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.

*I no longer go to the cinema *because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

*I no longer go to shopping centers *because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..



*I no longer answer the phone because *someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..


*Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a*big black
snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
instant death when it bites my butt.



*And thanks to your great advice *I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

*I can't do any gardening *because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.






















*If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people inthe next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and thefleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's
second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician! Oh, and by the way... A
German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their
hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. P. S. I
now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail
that water splashes over 6 ft. outof the toilet..*

GEM '62

Sex after Death



A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact.



“Nancy, Nancy?”



"Is that you, Ray?”



“Yes, I've come back like we agreed."



“That's wonderful! What's it like?”



"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.



Then I have lunch (you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course.



Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”



"Oh, Ray! Are you in Heaven?"



“No, I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."

MAD IN NC

Meanwhile in Canuckistan.......

MAD IN NC

GEM '62

Good one..
Millennials

MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

What a morning……

8:00 I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.

8:15 So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.

8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.

8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.

8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.

8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah, if it's up your a***"

8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.

9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather.

9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.

9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.

Moral: When it's this cold, stay inside.

MAD IN NC

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ...
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie


FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick


TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
______________________________ ______
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
______________________________ ______________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O
______________________________ ____
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago
WINNIE: Me!
______________________________ ____________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________________________ _________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________ ________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.



(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
______________________________ _____
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
______________________________ ____
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off

MAD IN NC

You, who worry about Democrats versus Republicans


--relax, here is our real problem. In a Purdue University classroom recently, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?" Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our elections! They breed, and they walk among us...Lord -- we need more help than we thought we did! No wonder more than half of graduating college students can't find a job!

MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

Subject: HOMESICK SNOWBIRD
At The Villages Apartments in Florida last week, there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
​​
"I miss Chicago."
So someone broke the windows, stole the radio, shot out all four of the tires, added an Obama Bumper Sticker, and left a note that read: "Hope this helps!!!"

MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

For the pilots out there......


Military Secrets

http://www.doyletics.com/tidbits/militaryadvice.pdf

Kerrmudgeon

Not exactly a joke or funny, but I HAD to post up this uplifting story, take the time to read it and pass it along....

Coach Paul 'Bear' Bryant.......

I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama and was off in my old car down in South Alabama recruiting a prospect who was supposed to have been a pretty good player and I was havin’ trouble finding the place. Getting hungry I spied an old cinder block building with a small sign out front that simply said, “Restaurant.” I pull up, go in and every head in the place turns to stare at me. Seems I’m the only white ‘fella’ in the place. But the food smelled good so I skip a table and go up to a cement bar and sit. A big ole man in a t-shirt and cap comes over and says, “What do you need?” I told him I needed lunch and what did they have today?

He says, “You probably won’t like it here, today we’re having chitlins, collared greens and black eyed peas with cornbread. I’ll bet you don’t even know what chitlins are, do you?” I looked him square in the eye and said, “I’m from Arkansas, I’ve probably eaten a mile of them. Sounds like I’m in the right place.” They all smiled as he left to serve me up a big plate. When he comes back he says, “You ain’t from around here then?” And I explain that I’m the new football coach in Tuscaloosa at the University and I’m here to find whatever the boy’s name was and he gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his coach. As I’m paying up to leave, I remember my manners and leave a tip, not too big to be flashy, but a good one and he told me lunch was on him, but I told him for a lunch that good, I felt I should pay.

The big man asked me if I had a photograph or something he could hang up to show that I’d been there. I was so new that I didn’t have any yet. It really wasn’t that big of a thing back then to be asked for, but I took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told him I’d get him one.

I met the kid I was lookin’ for later that afternoon and I don’t remember his name, but do remember I didn’t think much of him when I met him. I had wasted a day, or so I thought.

When I got back to Tuscaloosa late that night, I took that napkin from my shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn’t forget it. Heck, back then I was excited that anybody would want a picture of me. And the next day we found a picture and I wrote on it, “Thanks for the best lunch I’ve ever had, Paul Bear Bryant.”

Now let’s go a whole ‘buncha’ years down the road. Now we have black players at Alabama and I’m back down in that part of the country scouting an offensive lineman we sure needed. He’s got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he’s got his heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go on to see some others while I’m down there. Two days later, I’m in my office in Tuscaloosa and the phone rings and it’s this kid who just turned me down, and he says, “Coach, do you still want me at Alabama?” And I said, “Yes I sure do.” And he says o.k. He’ll come. So I say, “Well son, what changed your mind?” And he said, “When my Grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn’t going nowhere but Alabama, and wasn’t playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of you and has ever since ya’ll met.”

Well, I didn’t know his granddad from Adam’s housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he said, “You probably don’t remember him, but you ate in his restaurant your first year at Alabama and you sent him a picture that he’s had hung in that place ever since. That picture’s his pride and joy and he still tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and had chitlins with him. My grandpa said that when you left there, he never expected you to send that picture to him, but you kept your word, and to Grandpa, that’s everything. He said you could teach me more than football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess I’m going to.”

I was floored. But I learned that the lessons my mamma taught me were always right. It don’t cost nuthin’ to be nice. It don’t cost nuthin’ to do the right thing most of the time and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breakin’ your word to someone. When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his Grandpa and he’s still running that place, but it looks a lot better now; and he didn’t have chitlins that day, but he had some ribs that would made Dreamland proud and I made sure I posed for a lot of pictures; and don’t think I didn’t leave some new ones for him too, along with a signed football. I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this story and these lessons in mind when they’re out on the road.

And if you don't remember anything else from me, remember this – it really doesn’t cost anything to be nice, and the rewards can be unimaginable.

MAD IN NC

People often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing."


Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.
______________________________

* You're a woman and you’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
"She's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising
______________________________

* You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Telemarketing.
______________________________

* You’re a woman and you see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up
to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm,
and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.
______________________________

* You're a woman and you’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition.
______________________________

*You're a woman and you’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you,
but you talk him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.
______________________________

* You’re a woman and your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.
______________________________

* You're a woman and you are on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto
the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Facebook.
______________________________


*If you are a man and secretly disclose a list of names of those women who are fantastic in bed,


That’s "Insider Trading."
__________________ ____________


* You’re a woman and you are at a party; this attractive wealthy older man walks up to you and
grabs your ***.

That's Bill Clinton
______________________________

* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides
you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That's America!

MAD IN NC

50 SHADES OF GREY FOR SENIORS


Back and forth. . . in and out. . .in and out . . .a little to the right. . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. .and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . . forwards then backwards. . forward then backward. . again. . . and again. . . her heart was pounding now. . . her face was flushed . . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . .finally . . . totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream . . . .



."OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park. You do it!"