MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

MAD IN NC

Sit Down and Hold on....

A guy went to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted. She pulled
out a large syringe to give an anesthetic shot.

"No way, no needles! I hate needles!" the man exclaimed.

So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank. Quickly the man
said, "I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on
my face suffocates me!

The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking
a pill."No," he says, "I'm fine with pills."

So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.

"What are those?" he asked.

The dentist replied, "Viagra."

"Well, I'll be," said the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a
pain killer."

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "But it will give you something to
hold on to when I pull your tooth.

ricks327

Vincent's dizzy aunt --------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
His brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin --------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ------------------------------------Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco---------------------------------- ----Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

There ya Gogh

toddalin

Gogh na haf to Gogh an have a Gogh at that again.

MAD IN NC

Kerrmudgeon

A couple of late ones from my friend Suzan....aka Curvette!


Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."



God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good,” says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

....

ricks327

An elderly man who lived in Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the ****s. So, I hid her in my attic.”
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father… She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"