(☻Y☻) FRIDAY FUNNIES! (☻Y☻) Sept. 20th weekend 2018.... - CorvetteForum - Chevrolet Corvette Forum Discussion

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(☻Y☻) FRIDAY FUNNIES! (☻Y☻) Sept. 20th weekend 2018....

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(☻Y☻) FRIDAY FUNNIES! (☻Y☻) Sept. 20th weekend 2018....

Old 09-20-2018, 11:31 PM
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Kerrmudgeon
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Default (☻Y☻) FRIDAY FUNNIES! (☻Y☻) Sept. 20th weekend 2018....

Good morning everyone! Yup, it's the last weekend of summer 18, and the nights are getting cooler. My favourite time of year actually. Great working and cruising weather.
Let's see what funny stuff y'all can come up with this weekend....
________________________________________ ________________________________

First the usual Gifs borrowed from next door......
























It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first.
It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time -- I haven't made the stupid porridge yet!!"



One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, then how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"



Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.

One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.

One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."

The other says, "I just wish it were dark."













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Old 09-20-2018, 11:39 PM
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Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice,
so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y’all graduated from the University of
Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings.
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ..."
When asked why, he replied, "I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘causeeverythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y’all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number."
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, "But what’s with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."
Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?
Don’t you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’"
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North, have ya?














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Old 09-20-2018, 11:43 PM
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:08 AM
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a plane is on its way to toronto , when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.the flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.she then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.the blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.the co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.the blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.the pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll
handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.the flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"i told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto."
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Old 09-21-2018, 08:41 AM
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How about a little classic Foster Brooks for a dreary Friday morning. Dino cracks up when doing these skits. Good stuff.....
And FYI.....Foster didn't drink or smoke!.


Last edited by Kerrmudgeon; 09-21-2018 at 08:44 AM.
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:07 AM
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How's this for lazy.....you don't even have to read the jokes...just listen. I like the duck one.
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:25 AM
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Old 09-21-2018, 09:57 AM
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Old 09-21-2018, 02:36 PM
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some oddball pics for your perusal....













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