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2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
A guy walks in to see his doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I just can't seem to make friends with anyone," the guy replies. "Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?"
Good Question!
And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’‘
Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. ‘That’s terrific!’ said the hot shot.. ‘Got any more tips for me?’
‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘You bet it will, ‘ said the old-timer.The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy ‘I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.
’‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ***, and it won’t hurt near as much.
The frog story.....
....I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing. I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I thought nothing of it and was about to shoot when I heard, "Ribbit 9 Iron." I looked around and did not see anyone.
Again, I hear, "Ribbit 9 Iron." I looked at the frog and decided to prove the frog wrong, put my club away, and grabed a 9 iron. Boom! I hit it 10 inches from the cup! I was shocked and said to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replied, "Ribbit Lucky frog." I decided to take the frog with me to the next hole. "What do you think frog?," I asked "Ribbit 3 wood." I took out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one! I was befuddled and did not know what to say!
By the end of the day, the I had golfed the best game of my like and asked the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replied, "Ribbit Las Vegas." We went to Las Vegas and I said, "OK frog, now what?" The frog said, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, I asked the frog "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replied, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."
Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, I figure what the heck...Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. I took my winnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I sat the frog down and said, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
The frog replied, "Ribbit Kiss Me." I figure why not, since the frog had done so much for me, he deserves it. With a kiss, that frog turned into a gorgeous 18 year old woman.
"And that, your honor, is how the woman ended up in my room, so help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollars." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.
Next he said, " i want a Ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finally he said," Well i've always wanted to give a kidney."
2020 Corvette of the Year Finalist (appearance mods)
C1 of Year Finalist (appearance mods) 2019
Do you have one ?
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”She slams the door again.Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
Last edited by Kerrmudgeon; 12-02-2018 at 02:20 PM.
11-30-2018, 05:23 PM
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