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Fire, Allah Akbar, Yee-haw, Kill Whitey, and a screaming baby

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Fire, Allah Akbar, Yee-haw, Kill Whitey, and a screaming baby

 
Old 01-18-2011, 05:53 PM
  #21  
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Originally Posted by BSeery View Post
"My wife and I both have middle seats in different rows. Do you mind if I trade your aisle seat for mine so we can sit together ?"
Reply:

I hate flying anymore. Actually, I've hated it for years. Thank God for headphones, though, they help a lot. Almost without fail I get someone that sits next to me with nothing to do, nothing to read, and you can feel their eyes burning your face off. You *know* they want to chit chat for the next 3 hours. And that's when that Patrick Bateman switch almost flips.
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:56 PM
  #22  
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"Got any beano?"
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:56 PM
  #23  
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Originally Posted by BSeery View Post
seeing a 2-6 year old walk down the aisle only to realize he is now sitting behind you. For a while you can pretend that them kicking the back of the seat and slamming the tray table up and down is just like a shiatsu massage.


but it's not.
That's when I want to beat the every living **** out of the sorry excuse for a parent that's with them. But they're probably too busy talking at an 11 about some BS nobody could possibly ever give two craps about.
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:57 PM
  #24  
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Originally Posted by tikiman View Post
"Attention, attention. Is there anyone on board this flight who knows how to land an airplane?"
I don't know why, exactly, but this is cracking me up.
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Old 01-18-2011, 05:59 PM
  #25  
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Originally Posted by _Nomad_ View Post
"There's a MAN on the wing of the plane!"





If I looked out the window and saw anything like that, I'd calmly ask if the lady next to me would like to switch seats. This would probably be after telling her she can sit in the middle since I booked the window seat in the first place.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:00 PM
  #26  
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Originally Posted by Pigface1 View Post
Reply:

I hate flying anymore. Actually, I've hated it for years. Thank God for headphones, though, they help a lot. Almost without fail I get someone that sits next to me with nothing to do, nothing to read, and you can feel their eyes burning your face off. You *know* they want to chit chat for the next 3 hours. And that's when that Patrick Bateman switch almost flips.
True Ballah's fly first class...or...have their own plane.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:02 PM
  #27  
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Originally Posted by Pigface1 View Post
Reply:

Thank God for headphones, though, they help a lot.
Headphones save lives.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:04 PM
  #28  
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"Hello, my name is Chris Maynard."
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:05 PM
  #29  
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Originally Posted by BSeery View Post
"My wife and I both have middle seats in different rows. Do you mind if I trade your aisle seat for mine so we can sit together ?"

I used to get some form of this question at least once per month.

And the answer was always "Sorry, I booked an aisle seat for a reason" followed by a "F U" look from the tool that doesn't know how to purchase airline tickets.
Mine was exactly opposite. I was in the middle seat and the husband/wife were in the aisle-window. It was OK until they started sharing their dinner over me and I told them to FO unless one of them wanted to switch seats. It was a long silent 2 hours.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:09 PM
  #30  
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Originally Posted by VatorMan View Post
Mine was exactly opposite. I was in the middle seat and the husband/wife were in the aisle-window. It was OK until they started sharing their dinner over me and I told them to FO unless one of them wanted to switch seats. It was a long silent 2 hours.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:20 PM
  #31  
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:20 PM
  #32  
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Originally Posted by BSeery View Post
"My wife and I both have middle seats in different rows. Do you mind if I trade your aisle seat for mine so we can sit together ?"

I used to get some form of this question at least once per month.

And the answer was always "Sorry, I booked an aisle seat for a reason" followed by a "F U" look from the tool that doesn't know how to purchase airline tickets.
I've had to throw people out of my seat before.

Like the guy that was in my first class seat because he liked it better than his coach seat way in the back

When he told me that I looked at him, he looked at me and all I said was "Nice try, now get the f**k out of my seat!" with a snarl.
He got mad at me for getting mad at him... WTF is wrong with people?
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:36 PM
  #33  
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"Ma'am I think the wing is leaking fuel."
"Sir, I'm sure it's just condensation." She looks out the window. "I'll tell the pilot."
This was my flight home from Desert Storm.
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:52 PM
  #34  
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Hefalump seated next to me "Are you gonna finish that cookie?"
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:06 PM
  #35  
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Robin is currently shopping flights to Hawaii for her & step daughter @ Spring Break time... she asked me "are you going with us?"

Me = "Uhh... no.."

dirty looks ensued.

mardyn
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:11 PM
  #36  
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"We're off course. And computer locked en route to the sun."
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Old 01-18-2011, 08:57 PM
  #37  
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:41 PM
  #38  
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Having a male flight attendance sit down next to me and ask where I'm from wasn't on the list of things I wanted to hear
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:48 PM
  #39  
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Right after you pull out of the terminal and think you are on your way, the pilot comes on and says you are the 37th plane in line for take off. A common joy flying out of Newark airport.
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Old 01-18-2011, 09:57 PM
  #40  
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Seriously this one (TPA - while you are in the plane at the jetway/terminal ready to get off):

[Pilot]I am sorry, the ground crew cannot move the jetway into position. Federal law states if lightning is within 3 miles of the airport, the ground crew cannot work. So we will have to stay here at the gate until there is not lightning detected within 3 miles within a 15 minute period[/Pilot]

and you start thinking - this is frekin TAMPA - there is always lightning around in the summer!!!!

So you sit there next to the jetway, feeling like a dog that has a treat dangling in from of him...for 15-30 and sometimes and hour
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