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(@Y@) FRIDAY FUNNIES! (@Y@) April 21st 2017 weekend edition....
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Good Morning kids! :seeya
Pretty rotten couple of weeks for me with this arthritic knee....very painful.:( So I need a few giggles and I'm counting on you! :yesnod:.......? ________________________________________________________ Some eye twisters borrowed from next door to wake you up! :lolg: http://imgur.com/PvDoi7p.gif Attachment 48358766 Attachment 48358767 Attachment 48358768 Attachment 48358769 Attachment 48358770 Attachment 48358771 Attachment 48358772 Attachment 48358773 Attachment 48358774 Attachment 48358775 Attachment 48358776 Attachment 48358777 Attachment 48358778 Attachment 48358779 Attachment 48358780 Attachment 48358781 https://cimg6.ibsrv.net/gimg/www.cor...9870a0db61.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_01.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_07.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_10.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_11.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_16.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_21.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_22.gif http://acidcow.com/pics/20170421/gifs_18.gif :jester Out of the mouths of babes.... The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. "Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Jonathan's hand. As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked. "Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!" "I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered. "I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you." :jester Man's best friend......:D :jester Shipment of Viagra stolen.....:willy: Cops looking for..... A gang of hardened criminals...... Must have been hard up. But then again, crime is on the rise. .....A lot of stiff competition out there. ......wow that's hard to believe. .....Probably serve some hard time for that crime. Boneheads! .....If they poke around the bushes, there will be a happy ending. Attachment 48358782 :jester https://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/...%2FDnDVszZ.gif https://media.tenor.co/images/2e3cf6...126e/tenor.gif https://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/...c-missiles.jpg https://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/...j8ldykzlxe.jpg https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C9kxWMIUMAAvlC-.jpg https://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/...om%2F6gTTP.jpg :jester |
The Lone Ranger's Last Request
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by a hostile Indian War Party. The Indian Chief proclaimed, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"... "In honor of the Buffalo Hunt, YOU will be sacrificed in three days." "Before we kill you, I grant you three requests" "What is your FIRST request?' The Lone Ranger said, "I'd like to speak to my horse." The Chief nodded and Silver was brought before the Lone Ranger who whispered in Silver's ear, and the horse galloped away. Later that evening, Silver returned with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watched, the blonde entered the Lone Ranger's tent and spent the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admitted that he was impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse," but we will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request?" The Lone Ranger again asked to speak to his horse. Silver came to him, and he again whispered in the horse's ear. As before, Silver took off and disappeared over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returned, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She entered the Lone Ranger's tent and spent the night. The following morning the Indian Chief said: "You are indeed a man of many talents," "But we will still kill you tomorrow." "What is your LAST request?" The Lone Ranger responded, "I'd like to speak to my horse - alone." The Chief was curious, but he agreed, and Silver was brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they were alone, the Lone Ranger grabbed Silver by both ears, looked him square in the eye and said, Listen Very Carefully! FOR...THE...LAST...TIME... "BRING POSSE!" |
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20 a pint." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman asks, "How long does it take to collect a pint?. |
NEW MOTTOS FOR UNITED AIRLINES?
“We put the hospital in hospitality” “Board as a doctor, leave as a patient” “Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can” “We have First Class, Business Class and No Class” “Not enough seating?, prepare for a beating” “We treat you like we treat your luggage” “We beat the customer. Not the competition” “Where voluntary is mandatory” “Fight or flight. We decide” “Now offering one free carry off” “If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet” “A bloody good airline” |
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Drove by this on the other end of town a couple of weeks ago:
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Do you remember Burma Shave?
Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads,
Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each contain 1 line of a 4 line couplet...... and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream. DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW OUT SO FAR IT MAY GO HOME IN ANOTHER CAR. Burma Shave TRAINS DON'T WANDER ALL OVER THE MAP 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP Burma Shave SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH BY MISTAKE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HER HUSBAND JAKE Burma Shave DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT Burma Shave DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING Burma Shave BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING, NURSE Burma Shave CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND A LITTLE MORE STEER Burma Shave SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT Burma Shave THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE Burma Shave AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? Burma Shave NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU Burma Shave A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' Burma Shave AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY Burma Shave BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE Burma Shave THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING Burma Shave CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave PASSING SCHOOL ZONE TAKE IT SLOW LET OUR LITTLE SHAVERS GROW Burma Shave Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you're merely a child. If they do - then you're old as dirt. LIKE ME! I STILL REMEMBER: He saw the train And tried to duck it He kicked the gas And then the bucket |
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A guy is standing at the urinal taking a leak when another guy comes running it.
He whips out his 12" device and says " Whew! Just made it " The other looks over and says ...... "...No kidding! Can you make me one, too?" :jester |
A man had a girlfriend named Wendy and he decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. When erect, it read "Wendy", and when flaccid, all you saw was "W" and "Y".
Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a Jamaican man. The man took a gander at the Jamaican's member and realized it had "W" and "Y" tattoo'd on it as well. He looked at him and said: "So you're girlfriend's name is also Wendy?" The Jamaican replied: "Nah man, it says: Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day." :jester |
:lurk:
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Licence Problems?/Nope
A man get stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: Do you have a permit for all these fish? Man: No sir. These are all my pet fish. Warden: Your pet fish? How's that? Man: Well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night. Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!! Man: Here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake) Warden: Well this I got to see!! 5 minutes later... Warden: Well?? Man: What? Warden: The fish!! Where's your pet fish?? Man: What fish?? |
10 things they don't teach you in school...
show it to your kids..... 1. Life isn't fair. Get used to it. 2. The World doesn't give a fuck about your self-esteem. 3. You won't make $75,000 a year right out of High School. 4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. 5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents called it "Opportunity". 6. Your school might have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn't. 7. Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get Summers off. 8. Television is not real life. In real life people have to leave coffee shops and go to jobs. 9. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you will end up working for one. 10. If you are born poor it's not your mistake...but if you die poor it is your mistake. :thumbs: |
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