Some interesting, and some gratuitous hot chicky pics, just for fun!

 

During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"



Caught on the Job

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.
Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said Amen, and crossed himself.

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?






This happened at a New York Airport.
This is hilarious.
I wish I had the guts of this girl.

An award should go to the United Airlines
gate agent in New York for being smart and funny,
while making her point, when confronted with a
a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

For all of you out there who have had to deal
with an irate customer, this one is for you.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled.

A single agent was re-booking a long line
of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir, I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first, and then I'm sure we'll
be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly so that the passengers behind him could hear,
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone.
"May I have your attention, please?", she began,
her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT
KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity,
please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth,
and said, "F*** You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said,
"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."

 

"

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen, "From now on, you need to know that I am THE MAN of this house and my word is Law. You'll prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you'll serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, we're going upstairs

And we'll have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax.

You'll wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you'll massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His Sicilian wife Maria replied,

"The funeral director would be my first guess."

 

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."



As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".



A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your **** dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."



This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"



A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"



On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

......

 

While driving my vette on a California freeway doing about 10 over, I notice a cop going the opposite direction turns his red lights on. I thought if I speed up, that maybe by the time he turned around, I'd be gone. Now doing about 25 over, I see him behind me, still some distance back and give it a little more. Well, he keeps gaining on me and I say to myself, I'm too old to fool with the law, and slow down to the limit. Yep. I get pulled over. He gets out, comes to my window and asks what the hell was that all about. I, with the straightest face I can muster say, "three years ago, my wife ran off with a California highway patrolman and I thought you were bringing her back!!!"

 

I don't know how many of you follow the olympic figure skating but check this out!

Some guys have been known to have their teem name/country shaved in the hair on their head..., ain't nothing!

The USA women figure skaters shave USA out of their leg hair..., and beyond!

 

A late couple in from Sam Kalmuk......



A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?“
"What ... You're coming empty handed?"
______________________________ ____________


Wise Italian Grandfather

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolver, so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns! How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?
______________________________ ____________



Irish blonde

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!
______________________________ ____________



Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:
FACT : 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there, sunshine

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