Its Friday... First Offical Day of Summer...
06-20-2008, 09:01 AM
#1
Melting Slicks
Thread Starter
Its Friday... First Offical Day of Summer...
ONLY IN AMERICA:
Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front!
Only in America … do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke!
Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage!
Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight
Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'!
Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest *****.
Lamaze Training...
The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier!"
She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: you're in this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner"
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a
golf bag while we walk?"
Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
***** - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the ***** to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
For a great start to summer... Drive your Vettes... Have a great weekend and don't forget to
Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front!
Only in America … do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke!
Only in America ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage!
Only in America ... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight
Only in America ... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'!
Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering!
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you never see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called rush hour?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest *****.
Lamaze Training...
The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier!"
She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: you're in this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner"
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a
golf bag while we walk?"
Medical Distinction
We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
***** - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the ***** to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
For a great start to summer... Drive your Vettes... Have a great weekend and don't forget to
Last edited by achapman; 06-20-2008 at 09:03 AM.
06-20-2008, 11:22 AM
#5
Safety Car
Thanks I needed that 
George
George
06-20-2008, 08:25 PM
#7
Safety Car
Ha Ha Ha-Have a great friday everyone
