me with the Genny can 1965, Brantingham Lake, NY.

 

 

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 p.m. is the new midnight.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I run like the winded.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

* * * * * * * * * * * *
I don't mean to interrupt people.
I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

* * * * * * * * * * * *
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

 

 

The cartoon below (I have the original) was drawn by Hank Ketcham of my FIL back in '43 during WW2 long before he came up with Dennis the Menace. It was featured on page 8 of the August 21st 1943 Collier's magazine.

 

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.











My supervisor is mad as hell!

She called and said, "Why haven't you been at work all week?!"

I said, "I was there, you just couldn't see me...

I identify as invisible. I'm TRANSparent...

My pronouns are who/where."












Kid: So Dad, why did Mom lock you out of the house?

Dad: She heard me on the phone with Uncle Steve talking about running errands.

Kid: So what did you guys do?

Dad: Steve went to get a used car, I went to the store to get a tool to scrape paint off of furniture.

Kid: What’s wrong with that?

Dad: Well all Mom heard was, “You go get the Escort, I’ll get the stripper and we’ll meet up at your place.”












HOW TO GET PERMISSION TO PLAY GOLF

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

First Guy:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second Guy:
'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'

Third Guy:
'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word.

So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy:
'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the *** and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block

 

 

 

 

Pretty funny Louie ...