ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as “smoke”.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit,
it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical
testing.

For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly
ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be
observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary
and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of
the system, nothing works afterward.

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very unsightly large wires.

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British
tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.

And remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.”

Joseph Lucas “The Prince of Darkness”
1842-1903









* Lucas denies having invented darkness. But still claim the "sudden, unexpected darkness"

* Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

* Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

* Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

* The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off. The other three switch settings - Smoke, Smolder and Burn.

* The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

* If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

* The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."



The reason switches in Land Rovers are not illuminated for night operation - it doesn't matter which one you use, it isn't going to work anyway

Lucas manufactured a vaccuum cleaner - it is the only one of their products that didn't suck.
















A Beer is always wet, a woman is not..1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot..1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you..1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes..1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry..1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first one opening a beer..1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself..1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs..1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother..1 point for beer!

A Beer won't ask you to hug her for half an hour after having it..1 point for beer!

So the Score is...

Beer beats women
8 to 2

If you're a guy, enjoy this message..If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, know that a beer would never get angry..FINAL SCORE : 9 to 2













He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth........in and out...in and out.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted................

"OK, OK! So I can't park the ******* car! You do it, you SMUG bastard!"

 

 

 

 

 

...


..

 

 

 

 

Or a Boob job

 

 

Frankly I don’t get it.