A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a problem... How to carry his entire purchases home.
The feed store owner said,
"Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" said the biker, and out the door he went.
In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane.
The biker said,
“As a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time".
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said,
"I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"
The biker said,
"Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?"
The lady said,
"Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

 

 

Would you watch a remake of Star Trek if the crew was all female? Introducing the crew of NCC 1801 Boobyprize C/D class. Episode 1 "Jiggle physics just not quite right."

 

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.


The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.


The Spaniard replied:‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’


The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.


When he asked how he raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said:‘You see that bridge over there?’


The Spaniard replied:‘No.’















A very cranky old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security
guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process. When she
appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.

The lady defiantly replied, "Just a stupid can of peaches."

The judge then asked why she had done it.

She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.

She replied in a nasty tone, "Nine! But why do you care about that?"

The judge answered patiently, "Well, ma'am, because I'm going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach."

As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, "Yes sir, what do you have to add?"

The husband said meekly, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas."















A police officer called the station on his radio.

Cop: "I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor that she just mopped."

Captain: "Have you arrested the woman?"

Cop: "No, not yet."

Captain: "Why the hell not??"

Cop: "The floor's still wet."