This is at the new Shitcago Police Academy!

 

1. What’s the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.

2. What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.

3. I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together. They lived to a ripe old age.

4. What’s the best part of old age?
That it doesn’t last very long.

5. These are not gray hairs! They are wisdom highlights.

6. Which underwear brand do seniors love best?
It Depends.

7. Old age makes us great multitaskers. Why, I can sneeze and pee at the same time!

8. One benefit of old age is that your secrets are always safe with your friends … because they can’t remember them!

9. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind getting older, then it really doesn’t matter.

10. Why do old people love English muffins so much?
All the nooks and grannies.

11. Stop thinking of them as “hot flashes.” Think of them as your inner child playing with matches.

12. How is the moon like dentures?
Both come out at night.

13. Now that I’ve gotten older, everything’s finally starting to click for me. My knees, my back, my neck …

14. I’ve decided: Whatever age I am is the new 30!

15. What goes up but never comes down?
Your age.

16. I called the incontinence hotline recently. They asked if I could hold.

A 75 year old walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman asks:"hey, where did you get him?" The parrot answers: "at

a nursing home, they're all over the place there!"




A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second."



Old woman: Come upstairs and make love to me!

Old man: I'm sorry, I don't think I can do both

 

 

 

 

My covid mask

 

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Regan, no Cash, and no Hope.

 

Not quite. It goes:

"We used to have Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.

Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope.

Let's all pray nothing happens to Kevin Bacon!"