thats too funny

 

Needed to replace some powersteering parts and so I lifted the vette with a floorjack. To support the nose I put a wooden pole under the frame edge. When finished I lowered the jack... and got it back up faster than I ever jacked a jack up before!

Now I use ramps

 

Back when I was In the biz. I was doing a U-joint on A car on an old single post lift. Well when I got the drive shaft out I rested the shaft against the polished cylinder of the hoist and the shaft slid from it's leaning position, and gravity took over. It made no noise till it hit my toes and then the real noise started. Steel toe shoes didn't help. Took a while to remove the boot only to find that the big toe and the one next to it were, uh, not pretty. After a few hrs. of terrible pain I got out the smallest drill bit I could find, applied very slight pressure on my blood filled nails and spun it between my fingers till I released the blood under the nails. I lost both toe nails, but it sure felt good when I released that pressure under those nails

 

When I was about 14 in 1969...my dad, who truely was the BEST car / motor / shadetree mechanic I have ever known .... He was trying to get the idle on his 59 Belvedere Sport Coupe a "little smoother". (413 wedge) He was sure that the CARBS had some dirt in them. Soooo, He got mom's Sears canister VACUUM cleaner and tried to "backwash" the carbs. He cupped his hands over the primaries and told me to turn on the vacuum cleaner.

DO THE MATH...compressed air / fuel mixture + spark from the vacuum motor. KABOOM The entire metal canister exploded like a bomb....blowing flac all over the carport with a huge fireball!

He just said "dammit" and calmly walked in the house and got another cup of coffee. Momma was laughing her **** off but hacked off about her vacuum.
Fred

 

I just love this one, mainly because it's a pretty good idea (except the explosion part ).


A couple of weeks back, I was trying to remove the plug wire sheilding on the passenger side block. The socket popped off and ended up touching the live and ground on the starter solenoid. The socket danced and sparked for some time right above my head ( no safety glasses of course ). They say luck favours the stupid and it was only luck that allowed me to walk away from this one with only a few small burns in my hair and a singed socket.

I guess that's why the first line of most instructions are "disconnect the negative lead of the battery."

 

As a kid, I was trying to light my dad's gas grill with a rather flaky "gas match" (long lighter) - it wouldn't work, wouldn't work, and I had the lid down. It finally sparked, my head was in a Looney Tunes-ish fireball. No damage, except for my missing eyebrows, eyelashes, and the front of my hair.

In HS, I tried to fix the factory alarm on (then) my dad's '77. I stopped that experiment after the main firewall wiring harness started smoking...while I was on my back, upside down with my feet sticking out of the passenger side roof, trying to test connections up under the dashboard.

Later that same year, I was installing a better stereo, using my old maxim of not disconnecting the battery ... yep, I zapped the bejuzus out of myself trying to tap into the clock's constant power line.

Even later, I was venturing into the world of welding, making some hard intake tubes for my old turbo Talon. Welding...in flip-flop sandals, even with socks, is a TERRIBLE idea.

A few weeks ago, I was drilling rivits out of the seat tracks and brackets on the Talon seats that are going in my '77 - in flip-flops again. I hit the slider track to separate it from the now drilled out but somewhat stuck rivits...yep, right onto a toe, right at the back of the toenail. That hurt like a ****...

Don't even get me started on the weird luck I've had with house wiring...

 

That was the funniest story I read, still crying ,laughing out loud. thanks.

 

I was out driving one day and it felt like I was running on 7 cyls. So I pulled over poped the hood and took a look see. Sure enough the # 3 wire is not on all the way. (just put in new set of plugs) you guessed it. with the engine still running I grabbed the wire and tried to push it down on the spark plug. It kicked me back so hard I landed on my butt on the side of the road, like I was shot.
Never do that again.

 

Nova and I were sitting in the Vette (motor running, a/c on) in a parking lot when it ran out of gas. Okay, I misjudged where empty was that day--but no big deal--there was a hardware store (gas can) and a gas station (gas) in that very shopping center. Easy!

So, I bought the gas can then bought gas.

When I went to put the gas in the tank, I stuck my finger in the gas tank hole to see if the little metal flap would move out of the way.

Whoops! My finger got trapped by the flap--and the flap is pretty sharp metal too!

Nova was laughing so hard she couldn't help me for a few minutes.

 

Well, I pulled up in front of a QuickSak one morning to get a soda and this lady came storming up before I had gotten out and was chewing on me for taking up two spaces. Man was she mad. I let her rumble on for a minute or two and then I said " Lady, I can move over and take up one space if it would make you happy but you can move over all day long and you would still TAKE UP TWO SEATS" She left without saying a word.

 

How about bending down to look at the bottom side of a running motorcycle and resting your forearm on the exhaust/muffler?

I still have the scar.

 

That was the funniest story I read, still crying ,laughing out loud. thanks.


Thanks Jim.....I've got a lotta miles out of that story....My dad always laughed about it and always said..."What the hell was I thinking?" Funny thing though....he swore that it fixed the carburator !

 

A few years back in a state where it actually gets cold & snows my wife, and I had owned or first home (single wide trailer well used). We had come home from work one day, and the oil fired furnace was out. I had diagnosed the problem as a igniter transformer failure. I got a replacement transformer, and installed it. I reconnected the power supply to the unit, and turned on the breaker. I was sitting directly in front of the furnace when I turned on the power switch. I didn't realize that it had gotten cold enough for the thermostat to send the light command to the unit. The ensuing explosion from all the un burned fuel puddled in then combustion chamber removed my right eyebrow, singed all the hair off my beard, and toasted the hair on the right side of my head. There was a carbon stained silouet on the wall in front of the furnace. My wife was laughing so hard she couldn't even ask if I was ok. I still haven't lived that one down. She gets a fire extinguisher out every time I just go to change the filters now.

DR. Jay

 

The stupid thing that I did when replacing my engine was not tightening the upper radiator hose. I ran it for about a year with no problems till it finally came off. It must have been a good hose since the clamp was about 15 turns from being tight ! Till this day I keep telling my wife that she set me up !

 

way too funny! Tears in my eyes. Keep them coming.

 

Back in my motorcycle days...

Was doing a little maintenance on my bike and needed to loosen the sissy bar. Later, asked my girlfriend to take a ride and when I punched it all I saw was her legs flying by. She had flipped right over and was hanging on for dear life. Eyes wide open and screaming...

Seems I forgot to tighten the sissy bar.

She wasn't hurt, but boy she never let me forget it.

 

[QUOTE=a bunch of accidents listed then:
Don't even get me started on the weird luck I've had with house wiring...

[/QUOTE]

I'm not to sure luck has anything to do with it!

Carl "I cut it twice and it's still to short" Johansson

 

My buddy tried to drive through a McDonalds drive thru with the 5th wheel attached to the back of his truck. McDonalds got a new "talking" sign and he got new side panels on his new 5th wheel

 

Don't you just love the feeling of thousands of volts running from your hand through your torso out of your private parts and into the metal car body!!

Maybe that's why Vettes are fiberglass.

 

Knew a guy who was spring loaded in the stupid position. He was a hydraulic specialist and lost the tip of one of his fingers some years ago by putting it into the inlet port of a pump that was turning to see if so,mething was stuck in it. To make a long story short, while sitting around talking in a group one day another guy asked him how he lost his finger tip. Well at the time there was a similar pump on the stand being broken in (turning) without the inlet fitting on it. So he went to the pump and said I stuck my finger in the hole like this (as he stuck a good finger into the hole) and then lets out a scream, the pump stops, and he runs to the first aid kit to get some bandages and heads to the washroom. A couple of minutes later he comes out missing another fingertip and hand all bandaged up, sits down, lights a cigarette, sips his cold coffee and says "Thats how I lost my finger before", then continues, "And I'll be damned if I'm gonna answer any more of your G__ D_____ questions. I'm on break for the rest of the day you A__ H____!!"