For those of us who do our own oil changes, I got this in an e-Mail from a friend and thought it was pretty funny. My wife thought it was funny too...except for the DUI part!!!!

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change: $30.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $31.00
==========

Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, use your debit card for $50.00.
2) Stop by package store and buy a case of beer, (debit $20), drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11..
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy..
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil..
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20..00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

 

LOL, seen it before... and it's very painful to see it again, because I recognize a few of those steps in the Men's instructions.

My problem is that with 6 months between oil changes I actually forget things that I learned the last time (!!!) so I repeat some of my mistakes. Last oil change I remembered to put on my rubber gloves, but forgot that hot oil on rubber gloves is slippery so I dropped the oil filter and made a mess... oops!

 

i remember when i was 16 i did my 1st oil change on my 65 chevy. i took drain plug out and couldnt beieve how clean oil was. what i did was drain the tranny fluid.

 

This could almost have been my oil change in the 78.
Beer was involved.
Don't know when the last time the oil was changed.
1. remove oil pan plug and drain oil.
2. use oil filter wrench to remove filter. keeps slipping. Eventually gets a grip on it but filter basically folds like a tin can
3. Drive screwdriver through tin can oil filter and turn it. Opens filter like a can opener.
4. remove metal casing shards and filter element that was hanging on for dear life.
5. Admire the internals of the oil filter that normally is never seen.
6. determine that the rubber gasket has fused with the iron block.
7. Spray pb blaster everywhere in an effort to release gasket.
8. Use deadblow hammer and screwdriver to get the filter base to turn
9. Use screwdriver/pry bar to pry the filter gasket away from the block
10. Continue hammering.
11. Yell Eureka when it finally releases and spins off.
12. put new filter on after thoroughly cleaning surface.
13. realize that the oil purchased for the vette went into the wife's 4-runner
14. scrounge together enough oil to fill vette from several partially filled containers.
15. Enjoy another beer and show off the remains of the oil filter to curious neighbor.

No cost except 1.5 hours of time, 4 beers, a little blood, oil and filter.

 

oh, and after I got pretty good at changing the oil on the vette I decided I might as well use my skills and change the oil on my daily driver, 97 Lexus ES300.. Well, I was under that car for 1/2 hour and for the life of me I couldn't find the freaking oil filter!!! I almost called the dealer to ask where they hid it.

 

Those Men's instructions aren't true...I never throw my tools.

 

Its funny because its true. Maybe not all at once, but I have had many of those items happen during an oil change.

kdf

 

That whole post is a lie. Jiffy Lube charges way more than 30 bucks.

 

Still laughing....
Eddie

 

Did you notice that with all the oil spilling, cussing, and blood shed, no one ever spills their beer.....

 

My buddy and I did that to his subaru about 3-4 years ago.
To our credit is was VERY black and probably needed to be changed anyway.

And to think 3 years later i'm 1/2 way into a body off and know more then I would have imagined thanks to this forum.

 

Or if you're my wife:

1) Take car to quick oil change place
2) They remove oil, filter and replace
3) The 17 year old kid forgets to ensure old filter seal is removed
4) 17 year old kid cross-threads the drain plug but tightens it up anyway
5) Kid backs car out from stall with oil gushing all over beneath the car
6) My wife points to oil stream and oil under car
7) Kid tries to convince my wife it's normal excess drainage and say to just drive off it'll be ok
8) Wife doesn't believe pimply kid and calls me on cell phone
9) I take off and tell them to put back on hoist and recheck the filter gasket
10) They find the old seal still on filter mount, remove and replace filter

Cost:
Oil Change: $30
Our Time: $100
Engine: $1,500 (potentially)
Total: $1,630 I guess still cheaper than me doing it

Mark G

 

Yea baxsom you're right. And they pop their dern heads from around the hood holding a different part every few minutes telling you it's time for a new this and new that. That's where the extra cost comes in. They're charging us for dissassembly and reassembly for the parts they think we should replace with the oil change. Of course the normal 10.00 air filter costs 25 bucks. When you say no, they get an attitude. So what do you do?????? Honk the friggen horn "long" so they know it was intentional.

 

My worst experience was changing the oil on my wife's 81 Zephyr wagon (new car then). I didn't notice that the gasket from the old filter was stuck on the flange instead of coming off with the filter. When I screwed down the new filter it wouldn't tighten up completely. Hey, must have been designed to do that, right? I squished it down as hard as I could! When I fired up the engine to check for leaks, I watched half the crank case of new oil squirt between the gaskets onto our garage floor. I guess the Mercury dealer had forgotten to lube the previous filter gasket before installing it, and the owner (me) forgot to insure that it had come off. A procedure etched in my brain now.

 

My wife took her car to the local jiffy. They talked her into mobil1 oil, new air filter, and new wipers to the tune of 100 bucks.


I about flipped.

 

Yeah, but it was still less that $4145.00! (post #1)

 

yup, add:
Jiffy lube technician notices needs new air filter -- 45.00 plus 15 Labor
notices need new interior cabin filter, another 60
notices needs license plate light 11$ plus 25 labor
headlights are aimed a little high, another 60$ labor.
serpentine belt looks a little cracked, replace for 115 plus 90 labor
tires are a little low, purge and replace with nitrogen 45$

total including original 31$ = 497 plus sales tax

 

That's too funny and painfully honest. I was teaching the newest driver in the family how to properly maintain a vehicle. I had him do all the work. Got everything drained and replaced with new filter. Then he poured 5 qts of fresh oil into engine. Then we discovered all 5 qts on garage floor -- he thought the filter was on good, but had it at a weird angle and barely on. Crap, who is teaching who here?