Or, how to be reminded that you love your Corvette.

(This is merely a tale told for amusement. Though true, there is no other point to its telling.)

My column lock has been slow lately. Meaning: I push the Green Glow of Go and a not-enough-juice electric motor sound precedes ignition failure and the persistent orange outline of an Atari-era engine graphic. I then push O ACC and then GGG again and a more enthusiastic column lock disengages and rumbling happiness occurs.

A couple of times, though, the moved-and-seconded technique didn't work; there was no column lock retraction sound with the O, as if it was confused. I disconnected and reconnected the battery, confusion resolved, rumbling happiness occurs.

But a fellow can't just go around disconnecting the battery all the time. Even if the little sparks amuse. So I resolve to make an appointment and have this gremlin sussed out.

But that evening, neither the double-tap nor the appeal to sparky produces rumbling happiness, and I must call for Old Yeller. They tell me I've got but 140 amps. That sounds like more than an ignition left on (which you can swear you've never done but nobody will completely believe you). We'll just have that looked at when we get to the shop in the morning. Meantime, Old Yeller gives me a jolt and sends me on my way.

The trip home should have been enough to recharge it, but the next morning I grab the door pull and nothing happens. What I do next is, alas, routine: I perform the secret handshake (key hatch wire door hood), extract the battery, and take it to Auto Zone. This is my fourth visit in two years, all with a wounded Duralast in-hand. (1) Recharge; (2) recharge; (3) pro-rated replacement, and now (4) free replacement of a 13-month old battery. (I swear I shut it off and put it into reverse every time. Seriously.) This BTW is also the fourth time I've used the 1989 Isuzu I-Mark RS toy/basketcase to get the Corvette up and running; you'd think it should be the other way around, but the Isuzu's failings have never kept it from getting to the shop without assistance.

New battery in place, I'm an hour late for my service appointment, not that I've ever observed a point to choosing a time, since they always take folks in the order they arrive....

"You replaced the battery? That was probably why the column lock was failing. But if you want, I can check it out to make sure there are no other issues." Yes, please.

Next day, I pick the car up before lunch, because they pulled the codes and everything points to the battery as the now-resolved cause. And they tested the column lock and it seems fine.

But after lunch, I get in the car, push the Green Glow of Go, and it's a no-go. O, GGG, still no-go. Disconnect the battery, confusion resolved, rumbling occurs.

The shop is not happy to see me back so quickly. There is some reciprocation. It is now Wednesday afternoon. The following Monday has me scheduled for a training class 75 miles away. The Isuzu is at that stage of its life where you do not operate more than 20 miles away from the nearest friend, and you do not operate at all if you cannot afford to be late. I express hope that I can pick up my car by Saturday and avoid a transportation shortfall; they echo this hope.

Thursday: the column lock is indeed recalcitrant and must be replaced. The only available part is in New York. (Cue this.) They'll rush-order it. If they can't get the car fixed, they'll put me in a rental.

Friday: no part yet. Come on down and we'll put you in a rental before they're all gone. It's a Chevy Captiva, aka Saturn Vue with a DI 3.0L V6, which is perfectly adequate transportation (but still my nomination for "opposite of a Corvette").

Friday evening: part just came in. Maybe the Saturday tech can get the car fixed; if not, keep the rental.

Saturday: no call.

Monday: no call. I liken the small SUV to a hamster ball. Tall, stubby, wide, roundish and far away in all directions, slow to get rolling, slow to stop, and easy to wander from a straight line. This is not a Captiva issue, this is a Corvette-driver-in-a-CUV issue. I'm very happy to have reliable (and quiet) transportation, it's just... soul-sucking. The Isuzu is objectively slower, but as a 23-year-old hatchback with a rev-happy four and a short-geared stick and a not-unwarranted sense that it could disintegrate/explode at any moment, it is... engaging. Yeah, I'll go with "engaging."

Tuesday: the replacement part is "cracked." I'll probably be in the rental until Friday. I die a little bit inside.

Friday morning: no part yet. A small miracle might put me in my own car by day's end, but it's expected I'll be in the rental through Memorial Day weekend.

Tuesday afternoon: part finally received.

Wednesday morning: please come get the car and return the rental.

Wednesday afternoon: I get my car back.
I don't make it to the other end of the lot before noticing a loud plastic snapping/cracking noise whenever the steering wheel is turned. Something must not be lined up right.
Fifteen minutes later, the steering column cover is adjusted and all is well.
I make it a block when I notice the left turn signal is flashing in double-time. Really? A bulb picked now to burn out? (To be fair, it picked some time in the last 12 days while sitting in the shop to burn out; still... really?)
I know it's not really the shop's fault, but I'm not picking up my car after two weeks at the shop to deal with this. Thankfully, the shop replaces the bulb on the spot, no charge. Likely because they didn't want my cursed car infecting their shop any further.


So don't buy a first-year Corvette, because 86,000 miles and seven and a half years later they'll trigger a chain of comical events that will force you to drive something "normal" long enough to remember why you bought a first-year Corvette.

.Jinx

 

Thank you for posting about a less-than-ideal situation without bashing the make, model or dealer. It was a pleasant read.

 

Pretty cool post.. got a few LOL's from it.

I guess because I had a 2005 and went through the same stuff..

 

Thanks for the replies. I have no complaints about the dealer. They did right by me. They didn't want to pop me for a part I didn't need. Once it was clearly needed, they put me in a rental, did everything they could to rush the part, called me whenever there was a status change, and quickly addressed lingering issues.

Someone at work said "this is a sign that it's time for a new car." Hell no. The new car I want isn't available yet

 

Cool post.

Glad you're back on the road.

 

a humorously-told tale...glad it ended well !

 

I have a c6 2005 with 30,000 miles and my Service Steering Column Lock came on and i couldnot start my car what would someone recommend me to do it the first time my corvette did this.

 

I always tell my customers to buy the third year of any vehicle make just so they can get the bugs worked out ....I kind of did the same thng with a 96 chrysler t&c minivan, The dealer had it more than I did and they refused to lemon law it for three years then gave in ...the 99 was flawless ...so I should have great luck with the 2013 I'm waiting for ..tpw of 8-13 is driving me nuts ...lol

 

loved the post; great read certainly!