I've actually done some of this stuff:


Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube
> when the mileagereaches 3000 miles since the last oilchange. 2)
> Drink a cup of
> coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a
> properly maintained
> vehicle. Money spent:
> Oil Change: $20.00
> Coffee: $1.00
> Total: $21.00 =========
>
> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts
> store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and
> a scented
> tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of
> beer, write a
> check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car
> up. Spend 30 minutes
> looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In
> frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan
> under engine. 8)
> Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew
> drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil
> on you in
> process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off
> face and arms.
> Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while
> watching oil
> drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give
> up; crawl
> under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist
> off. 16) Crawl
> out from under car with d rippin g oil filter splashing oil
> everywhere from holes.
> Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
> environmental
> penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to
> apply a thin
> coat of oil to gasket surface. 18 ) Dump first quart of fresh oil
> into engine.
> 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug
> in drain pan.21) Drink
> beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
> floor. Throw
> kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a
> minor spill.
> Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
> Wipe eyes with
> oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> tightening
> drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin
> between knuckles
> and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 27) Cuss for
> additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer.
> 29) Clean up
> hands and ba ndage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31)
> Dump in five
> fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34)
> Move car back
> to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed
> steps. 35)
> Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving
> under the
> influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent:
> Parts: $50.00
> DUI $2500.00
> Impound fee: $75.00
> Bail: $1500.00
> Beer: $20.00
> Roses: $100
> Total: $4,245.00
> But Big Boy, you know the job was done right!


eddie

 

Lol

 

ahahahahahaha

 

That's funny. And too true.