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So here is what's going on: if there is no weight on the seat, the power seats/telescoping steering wheel/memory seats work perfect. If there is a person sitting in the seat, NOTHING happens. If you only put like half a butt-cheek on the seat, then it works fine again. The fuses are all fine. Anyone know if there is a weight sensor or something? It seems to only not work when bearing a full, evenly distributed load of a person. I'm not heavy either (150lbs), so I know it's not that.
So, any ideas? Thanks for the help and happy new year!
There are several wire harness connectors under the seat. I'd reach under there and make sure they are solidly connected together and the latches that hold them are properly clipped in place.
There's not much room under the seat and when you sit in the seat you are probably squashing the connectors and the wire bundles.