CAT MIRACLE DIET

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like
people. For those of us who have never had any success dieting.
Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also
work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as
getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or
tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the
same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and
you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will
have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!


DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as
long as it costs more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your
plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock
the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before
stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up
on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead.
Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or
partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the
refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it.
Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet
cat food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO
Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa.
Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew
on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to
read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your
part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over.
Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house.
Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead.
Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna
or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to
the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug.
Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE
Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's
cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the
closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with
on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is
seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone
else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in
a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl
over on the floor.

FINAL DAY
Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection
of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of
water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's
or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go
leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the
skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then
abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a
flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy.
Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get
hard.

 

Sure, I had to open this just at the moment that my wife yelled, "Dinner!".

:U
:lol:

 

So many cats...so few recipes! :lol:

 

Awww Cat. The other white meat.


BTW, That was sick but funny as hell....

 

hmmm -- you have been watching my cats......