Removed

 

follow your heart.

 

*yawn*

Been there, done that...

My gf at the time (now my wife), got into Harvard just as I got my first job out of college. We picked up and moved to Boston from NYC with the intention of moving back as soon as she finished. Well, 5 years later with doctorate in hand -- we moved back to NYC.

What can I say? Boston sucks, the people suck, the city sucks, the weather sucks, etc, etc. I have mixed thoughts about Harvard having gone to school there, worked there, and lived with somebody who was a fulltime researcher. As a grad student don't expect much in the way of perks. It might help if you were married so you might be able to get housing. Although Housing varies by department (we didn't get housing, but then again she got a stipend and all her schooling was paid for by Harvard). I take it she will be on the Cambridge campus? If so, Parking is not for the faint of heart (I just gave away my Harvard Parking Pass :-/).

Boston and Cambridge are not inexpensive places to live . However, you should not make the mistake of living far from her school. This is a bad idea, and is frankly not safe. You are better off living within walking distance of her lab (what we did).

Now as for you finding a job or if you should do this -- these are both questions you will have to weigh. Can one pick up and move to a city and find a job? Well I've done it twice, so yes. You can always look for work at Harvard, which is what I did. Can *you* do it? I'm sure. Should you move? Well I was and am very committed to my wife (gf at the time), it would've sucked if things between us hadn't worked out. That's something you have to be comfortable with.

Any specific questions about Boston, Cambridge, Harvard, Dating a Doctoral Student, etc, ask.

-N

 

Other option is you wait. How long will she be at Harvard??
My Girlfriend of only 6 months was going away to school at Boston College. This was back in 1989. Good thing was it was only a 3 hour ride for me. But I didnt think the relationship would last. Thought about moving to Boston, but she was pursuing a degree in Finance and was planning on a return to NYC . So I sat back and waited. 16 yrs later we are still together and this year we are celebrating out 10th wedding anniversary.

If by some chance you decide not to go and put pressure on her to stay West with you, she will only learn to resent you for holding her back.

Good Luck on your decision!!!!


Yes Nabbs....I have a question...... Can I date your Doctoral Student wife?????????????????

 

Lol, you really are awful! Everyone remember what I said about FJB? You think he's a p3n1s behind the keyboard, but no, he's actually one in person to!

For a guy with a third nipple, that's pretty solid advice!

-N

 

Thats a PEIRCED third nipple!!!!!!!

 

Post her photo and we can help you decide

East cost and west cost way of living are different from what I can tell on my trips out there. Why don't you see if you can make it out here for a week or two to check things out? She may not like it here or is that not an issue? Anyway plenty of jobs out here if you look, lots of people relocate for a job and school.

 

If she was accepted at Harvard, I doubt she would turn it down!

 

If you've been a west coast guy all your life Boston will take some major adjustment. But we humans can adjust to anything.

She being accepted to Harvard, has to take advantage of that.

If she is THE ONE you have to go with her.

If you can find a job in CA you can find a job in Boston.

You probably won't want to drive your vette all year in Boston, buy a beater.

Just because you got your grandfather to buy you a Vette doesn't mean you're smart.

The east coast is a nice place to live and has an active Vette community

 

You've gotten some good advice. Take some time to digest it. Cambridge and Boston are great places to live for young people, but very different than W. coast. Both skiing and beaches are close by. I made a similar decision when I graduated college in Virginia and moved to Boston to be with my girlfriend who was still in school. We've been married for over 30 years. If you move, you will get a job. It may take a while. There are great places to drive in New England with active car communities, but you will probably want to get a winter beater. If you decide to make the move, look on it as an adventure--a long drive in the Vette without a map.

 

If you are the type of person that easily fits in then the move should not be a problem.

Look at Nabbs - Comes to NYC and already owns half the town (I think he might own the other half too just no positive proof yet).

I stayed on the East coast, but moved from Upstate NY to Central NJ. Lifestyle was completly different - much more fast paced, but I got use to it. Now I work in NYC and commute by ferry to get there. It has become regular routine for me.

Luckily my wife stayed local for her Doctrine, but knowing me I would have moved with her if she found the opportunity somewhere else. I also know that I am out going and will meet people easily.

Now when I was going for my MBA and if I had to move my wife would not had gone because she doesn't adjust to change well. She finds it harder to socialize with people she does not know and it would have been a huge strain on us. Luckily I did my MBA via the internet...

Again I think it comes down to your personality. some people adapt much quicker to change than others...

And NO FJB you cannot have a 3 way with mine and Nabbs doctrine wifes....

 

You know what the most interesting thing I've noticed here? Most of us have all bagged women who are way smarter then us. I am soooo not worthy!

If this thread teaches you anything magelin it's that people make sacrifices for each other, only because they're not sacrifices but rather investments in both of your futures together. If you're unsure about the move, then you should re-examine your relationship. If you're unwilling to make a move, you may not be ready to commit.

You can definately see that many of us have made the choice of moving to help our partners with their careers. Ain't no shame in that!

-N