*****Bar None [Bar]*****
Race Director
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 18,369
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From: For the strength of the pack is the wolf . . . . . . and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch with everybody all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbor woman, Mari-Beth, mistook Joe for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm
sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the
beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
Mari-Beth fainted.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch with everybody all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbor woman, Mari-Beth, mistook Joe for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm
sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the
beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
Mari-Beth fainted.
Race Director
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 18,369
Likes: 142
From: For the strength of the pack is the wolf . . . . . . and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
Who Does the Work???...........
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
sitting on your butt,
at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
sitting on your butt,
at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
Race Director
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 15,267
Likes: 0
From: Somewhere between here and there...
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse, not on top."
"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the d*ck goes underneath the horse, not on top."
Race Director
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 11,056
Likes: 0
From: New York City www.rosettawines.com
Team Owner
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 47,647
Likes: 1
From: Queens, New York Life begins at 183 mph....
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch with everybody all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbor woman, Mari-Beth, mistook Joe for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm
sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the
beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
Mari-Beth fainted.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who sank it.
Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch with everybody all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store.
A kind old neighbor woman, Mari-Beth, mistook Joe for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm
sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the
beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
Mari-Beth fainted.
Team Owner
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 47,647
Likes: 1
From: Queens, New York Life begins at 183 mph....
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
Race Director
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,953
Likes: 0
From: Probably talking that police officer out of giving you a summons! ========== The Beautiful Lower Hudson Valley, NY
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
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Race Director
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 18,369
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From: For the strength of the pack is the wolf . . . . . . and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
Race Director
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,953
Likes: 0
From: Probably talking that police officer out of giving you a summons! ========== The Beautiful Lower Hudson Valley, NY
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
Team Owner
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 47,647
Likes: 1
From: Queens, New York Life begins at 183 mph....
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
You can't take an hour off for work?? What kind of slave labor camp are you working for Tom?? You can't let those bastards run your life. You are entitled by law to take time for lunch. I'm sure the whole week, you've probably been skipping out on meals or eating quickly at your desk while doing work. Have a decent meal and a few laughs with us. You deserve it.
Team Owner
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 47,647
Likes: 1
From: Queens, New York Life begins at 183 mph....
St. Jude Donor '08-'09
You'll scare away the tail!!!!
I didn't ask because I figured it would be a trek to come into the city for lunch, if you can make it, why don't you join us Charlie.
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From: Brooklyn, NYC .. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, New York, New York - Fred Ebb
Cruise-In VIII Veteran
St. Jude Donor '08-'09-'10
Just got off the phone with the hot real estate agent who
LOVES MY CAR --- ahem Alex
LOVES MY CAR --- ahem Alex
Team Owner
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From: Brooklyn, NYC .. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, New York, New York - Fred Ebb
Cruise-In VIII Veteran
St. Jude Donor '08-'09-'10
Race Director
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 12,078
Likes: 2
From: Palm Coast, FL
St. Jude Donor '08-'09-'10-'11-'12
Team Owner
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 37,869
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From: Brooklyn, NYC .. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, New York, New York - Fred Ebb
Cruise-In VIII Veteran
St. Jude Donor '08-'09-'10
Race Director
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 12,953
Likes: 0
From: Probably talking that police officer out of giving you a summons! ========== The Beautiful Lower Hudson Valley, NY
St. Jude Donor '08-'09