Description: cid:image001.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

Description: cid:image002.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say “Women and children first” is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

Description: cid:image003.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Description: cid:image004.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Description: cid:image005.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

Description: cid:image006.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness is to sit under a tree.

Description: cid:image007.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.

Description: cid:image008.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy
as when I had 48 million.

Description: cid:image009.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

Description: cid:image010.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms, I worry; I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.

Description: cid:image011.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

Description: cid:image012.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Warren Tantum... (School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.

Description: cid:image013.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing
a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

Description: cid:image014.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

Description: cid:image015.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

Description: cid:image016.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.

Description: cid:image017.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

Description: cid:image018.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania but, when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Description: cid:image019.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket
was supplied by the lowest bidder.

Description: cid:image020.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes
that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Description: cid:image021.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Goddammit, I'm a billionaire.

Description: cid:image022.jpg@01D217D3.4D9B5710 ~ Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

 

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