An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall
mug of coffee . . .
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo
with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, and
then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for a position in United
States Congress . . . Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for
others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

 

HOT..............

 

Some of my favorites.

 

 

 

 

Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia .

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.

You wanna try it?'

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.

Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Pete.

Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'

Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'

' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand













The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

'Grumpy shagged a penguin."












A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can't be found.

So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse says: "I think I can get you out."

So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: "Grab hold of my 'thing' and pull yourself up."

The chicken does this and is pulled to safety. Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks











“Swearing at Work."

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 12 new and innovative, "TRY SAYING" phrases that have been provided, so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1.

Try Saying:

I think you could do with more training

Instead Of:

You don't have a ******* clue, do you?

2.

Try Saying:

She's an aggressive go-getter.

Instead Of:

She's a ******* power-crazy bitch

3.

Try Saying:

Perhaps I can work late

Instead Of:

And when the **** do you expect me to do this?

4.

Try Saying:

I'm certain that isn't feasible

Instead Of:

**** off ****-wipe

5.

Try Saying:

Really?

Instead Of:

Well **** me backwards with a telegraph pole

6.

Try Saying:

Perhaps you should check with...

Instead Of:

Tell someone who gives a ****.

7.

Try Saying:

I wasn't involved in the project.

Instead Of:

Not my ******* problem, mate.

8.

Try Saying:

That's interesting.

Instead Of:

What the ****?

9.

Try Saying:

I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.

Instead Of:

No ******* chance mate.

10.

Try Saying:

It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in

Instead Of:

Why the **** didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11.

Try Saying:

He's not familiar with the issues

Instead Of:

He's got his head up his ******* ****.

12.

Try Saying:

Excuse me?

Instead Of:

Oi, fuckface.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Childbirth at 65

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently,
65year-old friend of mine
was able to give birth.. When she was discharged from the hospital and went
home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed,

I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No,
not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very
impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!'
she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I
demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT
WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

 

 

https://www.icirnigeria.org/study-do...ongs-lifespan/
Too bad......