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Owned my 2010 GS vert for a year now 0 issues until lately, first time I took my car to a car wash turned it off for 15 mins while I cleaned it and go to turn it on and it cranks one time and check engine light turns on and the car is basically dead, I unhooked the battery and hooked it back up and everything is fine car starts no issues for two weeks until I drive down the street to get food and bam it happens again, and I solve the issue again by just unhooking the negative terminal and hooking it back up again.
The battery isn't even a year old yet, as I replaced it when I bought the car.
The new battery could very possibly be the culprit. Does the engine start every time you disconnect/reconnect the cables? Does the engine still exhibit the same "one crank" when it then won't start?
Do you have a multi-meter (ohm meter)? Have you checked the battery voltage level. Should be 12.65V or greater. You can conduct this test using the posts on the battery and subsequently using the clamps as the contact point. Any variation indicates a poor connection between the post and corresponding clamp.
While the battery is connected, check the resistance between the posts on the battery and the corresponding cable clamp; best to have one of the cables disconnected while test the other for this test (could save you meter depending on the then current draw). Should be near zero or a dead short. Inspect the clamps for any clamping surface color/texture differences. Could be they need cleaning with a wire brush.
These are very rudimentary tests, but could answer the questions you pose.
Owned my 2010 GS vert for a year now 0 issues until lately, first time I took my car to a car wash turned it off for 15 mins while I cleaned it and go to turn it on and it cranks one time and check engine light turns on and the car is basically dead, I unhooked the battery and hooked it back up and everything is fine car starts no issues for two weeks until I drive down the street to get food and bam it happens again, and I solve the issue again by just unhooking the negative terminal and hooking it back up again.
The battery isn't even a year old yet, as I replaced it when I bought the car.
I would lean towards something with a brain setting a no start condition, which is reset by the battery disconnect-reconnect. Do you have good batteries in your remote? Are they paired properly with the car? You'll ultimately have to pull codes with Tech 2, but I suspect a system-induced no-start.
Something you can do now, though - Make sure your alternator connections are tight, as well as the start relay. Look for burnt connections around the relay feet for both the starter and fuel pump, and check your battery voltage.