Now you've gone and done it. :smash: :smash: "To arms....to arms...the blue coats are coming!!!!!"

--------------------------------
The U.S. plan to attack Canada
By ORLAND FRENCH
The Globe and Mail
Friday, September 20, 2002 – Print Edition, Page A15

At an emergency meeting of the Protectors of American Safety and Security (PASS), high-ranking men in sunglasses discussed the toppling of the Jean Chretien regime.

"This guy is a threat to our national security," fumed Tomcat (Hurricane) Hornet, PASS's executive council president and a long-retired fighter pilot. "Blaming us for 9/11. Where does he come from, calling us arrogant and greedy? S.O.B. better not show up in my living room. BAM!"

"Sir, I don't think he said that, quite," said Hornet's assistant, Sidepiece Small-Calibre. "I think it was an appeal to be kinder and gentler. He said we shouldn't humiliate our poorer neighbours."

"Ha! He wants to see humiliation? How many carriers do you think we'd need in the Great Lakes to invade Canada? Order the St. Lawrence fleet to move now."

"Actually, sir, a couple of Jeeps would do it. Have you read the latest intelligence reports about the shabby nature of the Canadian military?"

"No, I haven't."

"It was in all the papers. That's where they hide their secret military reports."

Firethrust Hawkwing, vice-president in charge of northern borders, harrumphed into active voice. "This Saddam Chretien, or whoever, I heard he's been rough on his own people. Won't tolerate any dissent. Fires cabinet ministers who threaten his job. You get in his way, he grabs you by the throat and takes you out. Guy's absolutely ruthless. Here's another thing. Uses native sculptures as weapons. Probably lives in a cave. I say we topple him."

"Uh, just a minute, Hawky." It was Dewey Dovetail, vice-president in charge of second-guessing. "Before we go running into Canada to depose a man, we gotta know who we're going to replace him with. Must be a friend to us, you know."

Hawkwing glared at him. "I've been doing some research. There's this French gang that's taken over Quebec. Separatists. They want their own country, so I say we help give it to them."

"Yeah? Who's their leader?"

"Guy named Landry. Bernard Landry. Says soon as he gets the word from his people to go for it, he'll have a new country in a thousand days."

Dovetail sat up straight. "Thousand days, huh? The man's a small-time thinker. We could give him a whole country in a week. So what's your plan?"

"We park some carriers in the Great Lakes and drop bombs until Landry marches on Ottawa and seizes the country."

Small-Calibre coughed discreetly. "Pardon me, Colonel Hawkwing, but I don't believe Landry wants all of Canada. Just Quebec. He has no interest in Western Canada, the Maritimes or even Ontario. He wants to be King of Quebec."

"Well, now, that's just plain stupid. Here we are, offering the man an entire country, half a continent, and he won't take it? What kind of a separatist is he?"

"That's the point, sir. If he wanted the whole thing, he wouldn't be a separatist, would he?"

"Argh. I hate trying to figure out foreign politics. What if we threw in a palace in Florida?"

Hornet cut in. "We're wasting time. How're those aircraft carriers doing?"

"Problem, sir. The first one is jammed in a lock in the Seaway. But the 2nd Division Armoured Jeep and Chuckwagon Force has crossed the border and should be in Ottawa by 1600 hours, shortly after the civil service rush hour."

"Good. Tell them to look for a man armed with a carved stone sculpture."

Orland French is a writer based in
Belleville, Ont.
http://www.GlobeAndMail.com

:mad
:lol:




[Modified by 67HEAVEN, 9:18 AM 9/20/2002]

 

Aha.....I knew it.......you Yanks have made the first move.

U.S. carrier makes port call in Victoria


The aircraft carrier USS Nimitz is shown Thursday anchored off Victoria. Photo: Rob Kruyt/CP
Canadian Press

Victoria, B.C. The RCMP has set up a wide security net around the American aircraft carrier Nimitz, which arrived in Victoria harbour Thursday.

There is a 500-metre security zone around the giant vessel, both horizontally on the water and vertically in the air.

This means other boats and aircraft must keep clear of the carrier.

The Mounties will have up to six patrol boats in the water to enforce the zone.

The RCMP says the U.S. Navy requested the protection because U.S. forces are on a heightened state of readiness.

Victoria police are also providing security at docking points in the city related to the Nimitz visit.

The Nimitz will not be open for public tours during its time in Victoria.

Its crew of approximately 5,000 descend on nearby Victoria, for a few days of shore leave. The ship's massive flight deck covers about 4.5 acres.
----------------------

Okay Mac...........to the canoes! :mad :cry

 

Well, I only have to look at this "GlobeandMail" reporter feller's name to fully understand the source and extent of his problem. Yuk, yuk, yuk :lol: :lol: :lol:

You Canajuns...you're daring us to come up there and conquer your land, and that is absolutely the LAST thing on our minds. Yawl are like the homely gal at the prom...try putting on your sexiest dress and a little make-up, and then we might give you a casual glance. (Put yer freakin' knees together wud'ja!?) :D :D :D

Now, those poor people down in Mexico, it would be like freakin' Afghanistan down there if the US were to invade...All them Mexicans would be out dancing in the street, and not because they were finally going to get radio and TV. At last, they would be able to feed their children. Talk about a weak military; their military looks more like a federal quilting party armed with graft and automatic weapons. Well, we aren't freakin' stupid...we know a Vietnam-esque "quagmire" when we see one. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Oh we'd put up one hell of a fight........until you started flashin' more of them greenbacks. Why before you knew it, we'd likely be stickin' our collective tongues in your collective ears. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

With respect to our apparent penchant for reducing and ignoring the military between conflicts, one of our former Chiefs of Defence Staff had an interesting comment on the subject, just after the collapse of the Soviet Union/Warsaw Pact: General (retired) John de Chastelain was being interviewed by 'Legion' magazine (a publication of the Royal Canadian Legion), and was asked: "Now that the 'Cold War' is over, Canadians are wondering when they're going to see their 'Peace Dividend'. How would you respond, General?".

"Canadians have been SPENDNG their 'Peace Dividend' for the last forty-some years" was the poignant (and accurate) reply....

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


No one can accuse you Canajuns of not having a sense of humor. You should let the world see more of your lighter side. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Pardone moi, mon Capitaine.......and just what do you think Rich Little,
John Candy, Dan Ackroyd, Martin Short, followed by Howie Mandel, Jim Carrey, Mike Myers........and finally Tom Green were all about? :jester

You should see what we're planning on sending down there next. :crazy: :lol:

 

Moving south to find a more appreciative audience??!! :D :D :D

 

Nope........surveillance and intelligence-gathering. :jester

 

Way to go Mac. That's where you've been all day.

Imagine.....that great big warship and all those sailors........and they call on our beloved Mounties for protection.

:lol:

 

Okay Mac, if you're not logging into the Forum by wireless (out there on one of those RCMP patrol boats) then you're not really a Forum addict. :jester

 

What a great thread! :lol:

Chuckles made a comment earlier regarding Canajuns allowing unsavory types to cross our mutual border to plunder the land of milk and honey and/or wreck havoc. Well, I just spent a couple of long days, working hand in glove with the DEA busting up a drug trafficking ring based out of Houston with ties here in Vancouver. A couple of Texas ne'er-do-wells who were living up here illegally are now either in the Crowbar Hotel or on their way back to the Lone Star State. As much as I appreciate the overtime, do me a favour, Chuckles, keep your problem children at home.

While I was in Victoria (last year) I got a guided tour of the USS Abe Lincoln. It was a blast (well, not literally) but all those weapons can't compare with the horrors of a Tom Green full unleashed.

 

Uh huh, you made my point for me...you guys will let anybody in, but I understand it's because you charge a fee for them to leave...sort of a "leaving tax". :D :D :D

Actually, if the DEA was involved, if was a federal offense. We have multiple federal institutions in Texas to make drug offenders comfortable...for a long, long time. Let's see, there's Seagoville, Fort Worth, Texarkana, Carswell, Big Springs, Bastrop, Bryan, Three Rivers, La Tuna, Houston, and Beaumont. They should be able to get one close to home (for family visitors, you know). :D :D

 

Actually, you're wrong about the leaving tax. As bizarre as it may sound, our Federal Government rebates to exiting foreign visitors (upon request) the Federally levied 'Goods and Services Tax' (affectionately known as the GST- 7% on every transaction). Conversely, goods purchased outside of Canada are often not subject to import duties but are invariably subject to the GST.

Can you draw any conclusions from these policies, 67?

 

Who me? Nope........I love paying taxes.......I love seeing our military reduced to the size of the RCMP Musical Ride.......I'm happy that our armed forces are ferried around in 40 year-old Sea-King helicopters (when the copters are not falling out of the skies that is).........I have no desire to improve the infrastructure across the country (who needs modern highways anyway?)......I'm happy with the level of wastefulness in the use of existing tax revenue.

Well, maybe one minor complaint.......I don't think the government is pissing quite enough money away......perhaps they should increase taxes.....after all, they know far better than I what should be done with my money. In fact, I'm gonna bend over and smile........it's certainly improper to complain.

 

That would be the RCMP Musical Ride, a tradition for 125+ years, which was almost eliminated because of budgetary restraints? The RCMP Musical Ride which only exists currently because of corporate sponsorship rather than government monies? I know some of the military guys living in Victoria who used food banks regularly because of their poor wages. I don't know if they were the guys who ended up going to Welfare for assistance in paying rent or not. They were too proud to admit problems. I only knew about the food bank because I was dropping off a donation and spotted a buddy and his wife. Get this- he actually tried to apologize to me.

I love paying taxes too! Did you know that Canada was originally an aboriginal word which means "Open your mouth and close your eyes..."

Damn! I try to keep out of political statements but..... :mad

 

Chretien Denies He Has "rock-star sized" Ego
Challenger jets cost $101 million
By NAHLAH AYED-- Canadian Press

OTTAWA (CP) -- Prime Minister Jean Chretien pleaded modesty in the face of accusations Monday that he must have a "rock-star-sized" ego to buy new government Challenger jets while the military copes with ancient aircraft.

For the first time since the purchase was quietly announced late on the Friday prior to a two-week Easter break, Chretien was available in the Commons for opposition critics to ask him directly about the decision.

The government announced it was purchasing two Challenger jets for $101 million to replace two that were 19 years old. The government's fleet of four aircraft is used by Chretien and his ministers.

It later came to light that the existing jets were adequate to continue service, and that the purchase was sole-sourced to Montreal-based Bombardier Aerospace Inc. after being rushed through the approval process.

Both matters raised the ire of opposition critics, who finally had the chance Monday to throw their accusations at Chretien.

"Will the prime minister return to Earth, cancel the order for the flying Taj Mahals and put the money to our troops who need it?" asked Tory MP Scott Brison. "Or has the little guy from Shawinigan truly become the sultan of Shawinigan?

"The prime minister is ignoring the views of the military and listening to his own rock-star-sized ego."

Chretien shrugged off that and several similar questions from the Canadian Alliance.

"The American government just spent $2.4 billion to buy 20 Gulfstream of the same nature to do the same piece of work in the United States," Chretien said.

"I think we have been very modest."

Chretien added that the new planes, which have a longer range and require shorter runways, will "permit the ministers to go to many places they were not able to go before and will be useful to go to the small places of Canada."

He defended his practice of taking the jets on holiday by saying that the RCMP, who are responsible for his security, insist on it.

"The RCMP does not authorize the prime minister to travel on commercial flights."

John Reynolds, Canadian Alliance leader in the Commons, said the purchase was entirely unnecessary.

Chretien could be using an existing luxury jet which was ordered by former prime minister Brian Mulroney, dubbed the Taj Mahal, said Reynolds. It's a plane that's generally grounded because Chretien refuses to use it.

There was no reason the government had to pay millions extra for the two new planes, said Reynolds.

"They could have bought standard off-the rack Challengers which are quite acceptable," he said.

Reynolds had demanded to know why the final bill for the planes was about $25 million more than the asking price for the planes.

Public Works Minister Don Boudria, whose department would have arranged the purchase, said the extra money was spent on parts, training and other accompanying infrastructure needed to operate the aircraft.

He added upon questioning that the purchase should not hinder the process of getting new helicopters for the military to replace the aging Sea Kings.

"We're already in the process of acquiring helicopters and we're still in that process of course -- that's not been changed by this," he said outside the Commons.

He also maintained that there was nothing wrong with giving the contract to Bombardier since it is the only Canadian manufacturer of Challenger jets.
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The above is from Monday April 15, 2002........by the way, still no new helicopters for the military. Maybe the government is waiting until they all crash. :mad


[Modified by 67HEAVEN, 12:07 AM 9/22/2002]

 

Dang, now you guys have gone and done it...All this complaining is beginning to make me think that yawls government is just one step ahead of Afghanistan's fledgling administration. Hey, wait a minute...that's what Mikey said was going to happen if yawl revealed the truth. :D :D :D

 

Actually, I'm not so sure about that. The Interim President of Afghanistan can speak English eloquently. Our Prime Minister? Well................ :crazy: ..........it's been said that he doesn't speak "either" official language. :crazy: