On a Lighter Note
Thread Starter
Burning Brakes
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,037
Likes: 103
From: Brisbane Queensland
On a Lighter Note
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to the little s**t on your lap!"
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, but the blonde yells:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to the little s**t on your lap!"
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Instructor
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 105
Likes: 1
From: Ventura
a blonde woman is walking by the riverside when she sees another blonde woman on the otherside of the river. she yells over asking "how do you get to the other side?" the other blonde yells back " I am on the other side'.
Instructor
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 158
Likes: 0
From: Maui Hawaii
True story: About 4 years ago, my wife and I were having dinner with my best friend and his wife when I asked them about the new Toyota Sequoia that their daughter-in-law just purchased. I mentioned, "I thought she just got laid-off from work and wouldn't think of purchasing such a large SUV with a V-8 motor ... considering the price of gas right now?" My friend's wife, who is a blonde, answered, "it's really not bad at all because **ana just buys a half tank of gas when she goes to the filling station so it doesn't cost that much to drive the Sequoia." We, including her husband, just all nodded and I said, "well that makes sense." When my wife and I left the restaurant, we couldn't stop laughing for the entire drive home which was a good 30 minutes. Our stomachs ached well into the night.
Burning Brakes
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 987
Likes: 7
From: Surrey British Columbia
Let me try one....
Three pregnant women, a brunette - a redhead and a blonde, are sitting around a table speculating on the sex of their soon to be born babies. The brunette says "I'm going to have a boy because when we conceived my husband assumed the male dominate position." The redhead says "Well, I'm going to have a girl because I assumed the female dominate position." Then the blonde suddenly screamed "OH MY GOD!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE A PUPPY!!!"
Three pregnant women, a brunette - a redhead and a blonde, are sitting around a table speculating on the sex of their soon to be born babies. The brunette says "I'm going to have a boy because when we conceived my husband assumed the male dominate position." The redhead says "Well, I'm going to have a girl because I assumed the female dominate position." Then the blonde suddenly screamed "OH MY GOD!!! I'M GOING TO HAVE A PUPPY!!!"
Burning Brakes
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,124
Likes: 140
From: Western New York
My all time favorite. A penguin brings her Corvette into the shop because it's using a lot of oil. The mechanic says "I'll put it on the lift and take a look. Why don't you go next door and get an ice cream cone and I'll come and get you when I know more." The penguin is eating her cone when the mechanic walks in and says "Looks like you blew a seal." She looks down at the front of her shirt and says "No, that's just ice cream." 
Duane
Duane
Team Owner
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 37,637
Likes: 3,116
From: Crossville TN
A young blonde woman is driving her red '65 roadster down a beautiful California shoreline highway. Suddenly, she hears a siren and looks back to see a motorcycle cop with the lights on wanting to pull her over.
As the patrolperson walks up to the car and pulls off the helmet, it turns out to be another blonde woman. The officer says, "Let me see your license. You were going 10 mph over the limit."
The Corvette driver fumbles around in her purse for the license and ends up giving her make-up compact to the officer. The police gal opens it up and says, "Oh! I'm going to let you go. I didn't know you were a police officer, too."
As the patrolperson walks up to the car and pulls off the helmet, it turns out to be another blonde woman. The officer says, "Let me see your license. You were going 10 mph over the limit."
The Corvette driver fumbles around in her purse for the license and ends up giving her make-up compact to the officer. The police gal opens it up and says, "Oh! I'm going to let you go. I didn't know you were a police officer, too."
Racer
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 483
Likes: 3
From: d.d.o quebec
A young blonde woman is driving her red '65 roadster down a beautiful California shoreline highway. Suddenly, she hears a siren and looks back to see a motorcycle cop with the lights on wanting to pull her over.
As the patrolperson walks up to the car and pulls off the helmet, it turns out to be another blonde woman. The officer says, "Let me see your license. You were going 10 mph over the limit."
The Corvette driver fumbles around in her purse for the license and ends up giving her make-up compact to the officer. The police gal opens it up and says, "Oh! I'm going to let you go. I didn't know you were a police officer, too."
As the patrolperson walks up to the car and pulls off the helmet, it turns out to be another blonde woman. The officer says, "Let me see your license. You were going 10 mph over the limit."
The Corvette driver fumbles around in her purse for the license and ends up giving her make-up compact to the officer. The police gal opens it up and says, "Oh! I'm going to let you go. I didn't know you were a police officer, too."
Drifting
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,973
Likes: 865
Lol that's good. A blonde women is standing at her office vending machine feeding it quarters and picking snack. After 20 minutes of this, the next person in lines asks her if she will be much longer , she turns around annoyed, and response " can't you see I'm winning"?
Dave
2026 Loser of the Year
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 36,573
Likes: 7,017
From: New Or-leens Loo-z-anna
Here's an O-L-D joke:
A guy and his girl were riding his motorcycle on a chilly night. The girlfriend complained about the cold breeze, so her boyfriend pulled over, gave her his leather jacket and put it on her backwards to keep the breeze off her chest.
As luck would have it, later on, a drunk blonde ran the pair off the road. The guy was unconscious and his girlfriend was laying in the grass calling for help. The drunk blonde stopped her car, ran over to the injured girl, and after a couple minutes, went over to revive the unconscious guy.
When the guy came to, he immediately asked how his girlfriend was doing.
The drunk blonde began sobbing and said "I so sorry...Your girlfriend was doing O.K..........until I turned her head back around!"
A guy and his girl were riding his motorcycle on a chilly night. The girlfriend complained about the cold breeze, so her boyfriend pulled over, gave her his leather jacket and put it on her backwards to keep the breeze off her chest.
As luck would have it, later on, a drunk blonde ran the pair off the road. The guy was unconscious and his girlfriend was laying in the grass calling for help. The drunk blonde stopped her car, ran over to the injured girl, and after a couple minutes, went over to revive the unconscious guy.
When the guy came to, he immediately asked how his girlfriend was doing.
The drunk blonde began sobbing and said "I so sorry...Your girlfriend was doing O.K..........until I turned her head back around!"
Last edited by doorgunner; Feb 20, 2014 at 07:23 PM.
1969/1971/2021 Coupes
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,212
Likes: 80
From: Port Huron MI
St. Jude Donor '09-'10-'11-'12-'13-'14-'15
Blonde was following a truck all over town. Her concern was that it was dropping items from the back of the truck. She finally had enough time to run up to the driver of the truck while stopped at a light. She yells, Sir you are loosing your load.
The "snowplow" driver said.............
Terry
The "snowplow" driver said.............
Terry
